How to Survive Autism

A Been-there, Done-that Guide
for Parents

By Barbara Fischkin

If you have other non-disabled euphemistically called "typical" children, occasionally spoil them as best as you can without feeling any guilt at all. If there is a shopping spree or a cookie fest that goes over the top, so be it. Let's face it, you are not going to be able to do this all the time; they will be deprived of things, material and emotional in the future because you are overcome by autism. And when you can spoil them, banish all thoughts that you are slighting your disabled child or ruining your non-disabled child's life with too much. Any sibling of a disabled child has a hunger and sadness that needs to be fed, damn the rules.

If at all possible financially, take this kid, or these kids, on vacation without the disabled sibling. Do this even if one spouse or partner has to stay home or you have to beg or bribe a relative big-time to do it. And a vacation can be a day at the movies. See two or three in one day.

Consider this story too: A dear friend of mine who knew she was dying went to Disney World with her non-disabled son and left the autistic son with her husband. She knew that her son with autism had behaviors that would make it impossible for his brother to, years later, concentrate on his good memories of her. It was rash. I don't know that I would have the non-guilt-laced courage to do it. But I do think about it a lot.

Re above: Banish the word "guilt" from your life. Feel guilty about nothing. You do not have the time or energy. Particularly do not feel guilty about your spouse. Women, do not try to buy or wear lingerie just for the sake of it. You don't have the time or energy for that unless it comes under pampering and you like it. Just take off your clothes, go to bed, do what you can. Men, the same advice applies. Time together may be better than gifts, particularly if you don't have enough time or money. Pretend that during the hours your child is sleeping, if you are lucky enough to have one that does, that you and your spouse live alone. As for sleeping itself, sleep whenever you can for as long as you can.

Want to see more?

• Check out our Article Library.
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• Beneath the Surface: Understanding Autism
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