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The Gift of Being There
8 Secrets for Visiting a Seriously Ill Loved One
If you are visiting a very sick friend and she unleashes a flood of anxiety and worry and pain, listen quietly. Don't try to silence her. But after she has had her say, ask her, "What is your intention? What do you want to achieve now?" She may say something like, "To get well" or "To enjoy the time I left" or "To have one more Christmas with my family." Whatever she says, gently point out to her that it feels better to focus on her intention, rather than focusing on her condition or prognosis. "You don't want to give her a lecture, but you can mention that science has proven that where we put our focus determines the reality we create," Apollon says. "And even if she doesn't believe in that, you can point out that it just feels better to focus on her love for her kids or how she's going to celebrate the holidays than on negative things."
whatever feels good, the more distraction you create, the more endorphins you help your loved one release and the better he feels. "Ask about how other family members are doing, what activities the kids are involved in, whether he has any good TV, book or movie recommendations," Apollon says. "Again, the rationale is that by providing a focus on material other than the person's own body, you can hlp him get outside of himself."