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November 28, 2002
Bonjour,
All week I’ve been trying to convince myself to post a new entry but with nothing of great interest to report, I have not really felt any compulsion to do so. When I read this piece that appeared in the Globe & Mail this morning I knew instantly that I was finally out of my rout:
"Thresholders: Young people in their early to mid-twenties. Increasingly, people in this age group are behaving like confused and insecure adolescents, reports The Sunday Times of London. "Many thresholders find that after having been praised highly during their school years, the realization that they are nobody special comes as a shock, according to researchers." "
As you probably know by now, I am extremely opinionated. I understand that there are many ways to skin a cat. I accept and respect the fact that others have their own technique but I believe that each one of us HAS to choose our own individual way, stick to it and be convinced it’s the best one for us. When one isn’t focused, one does not accomplish much. Without strong convictions, I believe one is like a leaf in the wind.
In order to make the best choices for our family we must analyze the options available to us. I’ve been doing a lot of analyzing since I’ve become a mother and I’ve been finding a lot of trends very disturbing.
I don’t agree with many of the values that are circulating in today’s society but as my children grow up they won’t be mature enough to discern the good from the bad nor understand my point of view and I’ll probably have to make some concessions if I don’t want them to be marginalized.
I have problems with a few issues. Firstly, I find girls are growing up too fast. What is it with the interest in fashion by the age of 4? Secondly, competition is fierce. Children are being multi-managed: multiple activities, tutors, too much homework, no free time, etc. That’s what happened in japan and look at what the country is going through today! A teacher told me that studies are being done on peer interaction between young girls. Supposedly, girls are not bonding the way they used to. Instead of finding camaraderie they are finding rivalry as early as 5 yrs old.
Everything we do seems to be aimed at boosting our children’s self esteem and giving our children the best life has to offer but are we really doing it properly? Do we really need to give out consolation prizes? Our children should be praised when they do something right and told to work harder or do their best when their work is less than acceptable. That’s how you build self-confidence.
Now, another one of my issues: Birthday parties! What is it with the loot bags? I can never seem to bring a gift that is worth more than what I bring home. It has gotten indecent. One of the new trends is to NOT open gifts until the kids are gone. I can understand this point of view if there are gazillions of gifts and kids but some of the other arguments I don't abide to. One of them is that you don't want to hurt other people's feelings if the birthday child does not like the gift or if there are price discrepancies. My take on it is TOUGH. A birthday party is one of the first events where a child learns how to behave socially and the earlier the better. The child learns that he/she is not the only special person on this planet, learns how to be polite, how to pick up on other people’s feelings, how to become a good sport, etc. Hence, I don’t believe in huge loot bags, consolation prizes and not opening gifts. If you ask me, it's because of all this overprotection that we're bringing up thresholders! The worst part is that it's hard to go against the tide.
***Speaking of socialization and learning…***
Now that Victor is well settled in his new daycare, his speech therapist and occupational therapist decided to pay him a little visit in his new environment. They were impressed with him, Jackie and the daycare.
It’s obvious that he loves that place. When we leave at night it takes at least 10-15 minutes to do the rounds of goodbyes. He can’t leave until he’s seen everyone. There are a couple of little boys who run after him repeating: “Bye Victor!”. I think they don’t really understand that Victor can’t talk and they think that Victor is just refusing to answer. It’s funny and cute. It’s nice to see that the kids like him but I know that the time will come when there will be a division. We have been going to meet the therapists in their setting and Victor has been less than enthused. At the daycare, they finally saw him in his element and they were quite impressed. He listens, he asks for help, he follows the group. He's doing everything you could ask for and more!
Jackie is amazing with him. He responds well to fairness and firmness and she exercises both. Susan and Andrea obviously saw this because they now want to pursue the therapy through Jackie at the daycare. That suits us fine since we won’t have to drive all the way downtown a few times a month. The speech therapy sessions have been the worst, he just gets up and leaves when it’s not to his liking. I think Susan (speech therapist) is going to work on the class instead of on him individually; they think peer pressure might be the solution.
The daycare is beautiful. Each room is painted differently in bright colors and decorated to the educator’s choice. Jackie chose Noddy as her theme. It was built over the summer so it’s brand new. It’s the best the system could offer. You should see the safety gadgets… they thought of everything! It’s one thing to find a daycare in Montreal right now, it’s another one to find one that integrates special needs children. We’re still counting our blessings. This one is new, integrates and took him at the opportune age of 3 1/2.
***Daycare situation***
Unfortunately, nothing is ever perfect in lala land. Olivia’s daycare is closing down. They’ve been in business for over 13 years but the government, with its new policies, has managed to squeeze them out. It used to be that they could keep the children from infancy to kindergarten. Gone are those days. A few years ago, the provincial government instituted a 5$/day daycare program and ever since then they’ve been having trouble keeping the children. As soon as spots open up, the parents take them out and put them in a 5$/day daycare. So all C and B are getting are babies and legally they can’t babysit more than two babies each. Hence, babysitting 4 kids is more like pocket change than a salary. So this is it, they’re closing shop at the end of December and leaving us high and dry (I hold no grudge against them).
I’ve called everywhere, have been looking through all the papers and can’t find anything. The waiting listes are so full that they won’t even put Olivia’s name down on them.
I called and agency and should be interviewing three nanny candidates this coming Saturday. It’s much more expensive but the system leaves us with no other choice unless we get lucky at the last minute… 31 more sleeps until the day of reckoning.
Danielle
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