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May 13, 2004
“Challenges” what an understatement. We are going through yet another “phase” if you will with Ryan and it is really breaking me down. Currently Ryan is a behavioral mess!! On a daily basis he is hitting, screaming, doesn’t listen and just plain running his own show! No matter what I seem to do nothing changes. Dh doesn’t have it as hard, he gets a little better result out of the same consequences with this child. I have been told numerous times it is because I am with him more but it doesn’t make me feel any better about it. How do you think it makes me feel when I have just spent over an hour with him trying everything I can think of to help him calm down and DH walks in the door and the child changes from possessed to little Mr Happy and calm. NOT GOOD AT ALL! Don’t get me wrong, DH has his share of moments with Ryan but not nearly as much as ole mommy here.
Right now I feel like a terrible mom, worn out and just plain tired of him. Is that terrible to say? I am tired of my own child! It is true though! Only those of you who have a difficult toddler can possibly understand what I mean when I say that. I love him very much but I am close to my maximum of what I can take and how much more I can take.
He had his evaluation on the 4th of May and as I suspected, he won’t qualify for continued services through the school district once he turns 3 in July. I am so frustrated because even though he is developmentally fine, he is behaviorally challenged and I NEED HELP! The program he is in right now is not focusing so much on his behaviors and that is very frustrating to me. His OT says that we are doing the right things and to just be consistent. I feel that the more consistent I am the more he acts out and I am at a total loss right now. It doesn’t look like he will get into the local pre-school because I waited too long to register him. My fault I know. If he doesn’t get into the local public pre-school I will put him in private.
My poor DD has had it as well. The poor little girl is about to turn 5 and there are days where she breaks down and tells me “mom, I just can’t take his crying, screaming and carrying on all the time” – this is coming from a 5 yr old! It breaks my heart that she has to endure his behaviors as much as she does.
As I sit here and type this entry I am in tears. I am so tired of yelling, spanking, taking toys away, taking him to his room, putting him in the corner, telling him no, telling him to stop acting out……….the list goes on and on.
At his next Dr. appointment I have decided to ask them to test him for a chemical imbalance. I am beginning to really wonder if there isn’t something going on with this kid that we haven’t suspected before. With his recent behavioral outbursts and the way they go it is beginning to look like some kind of imbalance to me. I could be way off base, it could just be he is almost 3yrs old and this is how he is but it is worth checking out. The reason I feel this way is because there are times where he will go from very happy to very upset for no apparent reason and then right back to very happy again after a long haul of screaming, hitting, yelling at me and carrying on. Once I am finally out of my mind he calms right down as if nothing has happened, leaving a path of emotional destruction behind him. He has also started to not talk to me when he is upset, he just grunts. I will ask him to tell me what is wrong so I can try to make it better and he just stares at me. Sometimes he grunts, sometimes he just looks away but he won’t tell me anything. If I leave the room he is in he will start screaming “mommy” over and over until I come back and then get quiet again. Talk about aggravating! Today started out with him waking up and hitting me before any words were even exchanged. No, that didn’t make me too happy so he got spanked and sent to his room. He screamed and carried on for over an hour and then snapped out of it like nothing happened. Of course I was already worked for the rest of the day and it had just begun!
I am sure none of my rambling makes any sense to anyone but me and that is ok. If you are reading this thinking I am out of my mind, you are probably right, because right now I am at the end of my rope with what to do with this child.
If you have any ideas you want to share with me about things that may help us, please come to my “talk to me” board and tell me!! I need help!
Going crazy in Colorado!
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