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February 9, 2001

2-9-04

I wanted to share a little about Jonnie’s past, but instead this entry will be about something going on now, since something is actually going on. :)


Try Outs!

We signed Jonnie up for Pony League baseball this year. He wanted to play last year but we didn’t sign up in time seeing as how I thought baseball was a spring sport and so I missed the January sign up date. JANUARY! That seems early to me.

Anyway, he is so very excited. His uncle Joe took him out the week before to get his jock, his cup, and his cleats. He also threw the ball around w/ Jonnie for a while trying to teach him the basics of catching a fly and stopping a grounder. My dh is not nor never was athletic and I am always so busy w/ other things so that my poor boy has not been taught how to play sports.

Despite his disadvantages, he seems to have some natural talent. His throwing form is pretty good for a kid whose dad never plays catch w/ him. He has a lot of energy and he makes friends easily. He also cheers other people on and tries very hard when he wants to. Hopefully, that will be enough for him to do well in baseball.

My father said he would try and help Jonnie and his uncle Joe is also on board, so even if he ends up on the bench a lot at the beginning, I think that he will improve greatly this year. At least, that is my hope.


Try Outs?!

Ok, so I guess I’m a little slow. After my dad paid $75 for Jonnie to be able to play and we had to promise to sell 60 candy bars, it just seemed to me a silly thing to say that there would be try outs. Aren’t try outs usually to see who ‘makes’ the team? Of course, it took quite a while for me to realize they need some way to judge abilities and make sure the teams are ‘balanced.’ Duh!

So, we went to tryouts. Jonnie wasn’t the worst kid there; he was also far from the best. I hope that the coach saw what I did, which was a kid w/ a lot of potential. There are so many components of baseball Jonnie just didn’t know about. Things like running through first base and getting into position to stop the ball in the outfield even if there is an infielder that might stop it, just in case.

He had to play second base (my old spot) for a little while and he kept trying to catch the throws w/o taking his foot off the base, not realizing that it is more important to catch the ball (then you can tag the base) than to keep your foot on the base (and end up missing the ball.) I can just see his mind trying to figure out how on earth this is supposed to be done; most of the throws were completely out of his reach.

If Jonnie is telling the truth, I also have a reason to be very proud of him. He volunteered that in the dugout some of the kids were making fun of this poor boy who couldn’t even throw the ball further than Zac can (my 1 ½ yr old) and Jonnie stood up for him and tried to get them to stop. The coach stepped in and threatened the bullies w/ pushups, though Jonnie sadly reported that he forgot to follow through when next they made fun of someone.


A Lesson in the Cruel Nature of Boys

That leads me to something I hadn’t thought of before, when I signed him up. This is going to be Jonnie’s first long term exposure to the ‘playground’ atmosphere that occurs when young children get together according to age (and often sex) and little cliques form out of some sort of pack survival mentality. Those w/ kids in public school probably don’t even think much about this anymore as it is a part of your child’s daily life. My son has never really been exposed to this before and I am really concerned about handling this well or rather, teaching him to handle this well.

Once, he was on a bowling team and he cheered for everyone, even the kids he was bowling against. But this is different. On the bowling team, the parents were monitoring the kids’ behavior and you could easily catch and stop bullying and harassment. Baseball offers many more opportunities for such behavior to go unchecked. Basicly, I am concerned that baseball will offer an opportunity for hurt feelings, tearing others down, and feeling ‘on the out,’ as well as offering a chance to develop physical skills, sportsmanship, and team spirit.

Now, I know that he cannot be forever sheltered, but the truth is the cruelty on playgrounds is not a part of normal adult life. While there are some immature groups of adults that you may interact w/ from time to time who behave much the same way, this is not the normal pattern of behavior for adults. Therefore, I do not believe that my son needs to be exposed to tons of this so that he may be properly ‘socialized.’

So, how do I teach my son to handle this in the way that will teach him true skills needed for growing up? I’d love some ideas.

These are my goals for him to achieve this year in Pony League Baseball:

1. To improve his physical endurance.
2. To learn the rules of play for baseball.
3. To learn to listen and follow directions from others.
4. To learn to ‘get back up and try again,’ even if he is hurt or the task is difficult.
5. To learn to ‘let things go’ and ignore some comments and insults.
6. To learn to stand up for other kids so that bullies cannot have free reign.
7. To learn when to stand up for himself and what to say when he is insulted or teased.
8. To practice showing respect to other authority figures.

And speaking of showing respect, one of the things that he was teased for during tryouts was the way he responded to his coaches. I have taught him to answer an adult that is put in authority over him w/ ‘Yes, sir,” or “Yes, ma’am.” So, from all the way in the outfield, we could hear our Jonnie saying, “Yes, sir,” loud and clear every time the coach gave him instructions. Needless to say, the coach loved it and the kids teased him.

Now, I thought about having him skip it to avoid ‘teacher’s pet’ syndrome, but decided against it. I am not preparing my son to survive in public school type situations; I am preparing him for real life and in real life it is important to show respect to those in authority. That is why we changed over to “Yes, ma’am,” in answer to me--because he was not showing much respect to me--and I do not think I should teach him to compromise a principle just to ‘fit in.’

Besides, he is a very friendly boy and makes friends easily, so I think that he can overcome any small differences between him and the other boys and make some friends. This kid really doesn’t know a stranger and he WILL be the one the coach will not have to remind to cheer for his teammates in the 9th inning when all the other kids have pooped out. He's just very, very friendly.


Help Please

So, as I was saying, how do you teach your kid when to let things go, when to stand up for themselves, how to do so in a respectful and appropriate manner (respecting themselves, the rules, and the other person), and when and how to stand up for other kids? Anyone have any ideas?


Guest Appearance

My dad, who had part of his spine taken out and replaced w/ titanium last Mon., made a surprise appearance at Jonnie’s tryouts to lend his support. (My dad really is a super person, though he definitely made parenting mistakes w/ both sets of his kids.) He is in so much pain and on so many pain pills right now that he called my sister on Saturday for the third time this week to tell her he was out of surgery and everything is OK. (She wasn’t worried, but she’s starting to.)

He brought w/ him his girl friend that—thank you so much, you are wonderful—insisted on driving him. (Considering all the medication he is on, there is NO WAY he should be on the road.) Anyway, considering what she is going through (more about that on my babies today diary and ttmb), it is extremely thoughtful and unnecessary for her to do so much for him. Nevertheless, she is.

It was very hard for her to be there, all things considered. (Briefly, her ‘boy’ shot and killed someone last week. Now, her sons, who are 40s, are in fear from retaliation as, though it appears to have been self defense, the 'victum' is involved in the 'criminal underworld.') She was reminiscing big time, not only about her boys but also about her years as a public school teacher where she taught 3rd Grade, the same grade Jonnie is in right now. She said, "Look at them out there. So young and full of a love for life.” It made me want to cry as I had an idea where that was coming from at that moment. She needs our prayers right now.


Legos for School Time

I have a confession to make. I let my kids play w/ legos for school today. All of them. You see, they were sitting on my bed and playing legos w/ baby Zac and Joshua, and Zac and Joshua were participating. I cannot tell you how rare it is for Joshua to join the kids in a game or in normal play, only that it almost never happens. (One of the things autism is ‘known for’ is an inability to play ‘normally.’)

Well, they ended up playing together for almost an hour and the baby sat w/ them most of the time and so did Josh. They had Zac’s Legos out, which have a Tigger and a Pooh Bear, and also his Mega Blocks, which have a princess and a prince and a dragon and a knight. In addition, Jonnie brought in his dinosaurs and McDonald’s toys and beanie babies and there was something for everyone.


Warning Signs?!

I think our TV has been on too much lately, though, because I kept hearing Jonnie have the princess say, “Will you accept this rose?” *B* As if that weren't bad enough, when Zac would try and have the ‘roar-roars’ (dinosaurs) beat up on the prince and princess, Jonnie would say, “Hey, stop beating up on the romance here.” Romance?! He thinks the Bachlorette is romance?! He thinks about romance?! *Shakes head*


We Have Interaction!

As for Joshua’s part in the whole thing, he was actually trying to interact. Ashley had the princess ask Tigger (Josh had Tigger) to pick her a flower. (We have a lego flower; it came in the Pooh set.) And so Josh tried to make Tigger pick this lego flower w/ his little, Lego, Tigger hands. He tried and tried and tried and wouldn't quit. Several times things like this happened.

Also, Ashley and Jonnie would have their toys ask Joshua’s toys a question and Joshua would answer and then ask them back. Jonnie: “What’s your name?” Josh: “My name is Tigger. What’s your name?” Jonnie: “My name is Triceratops.” That sort of thing.

While it may seem like no big deal, this is quite an accomplishment. The only thing that surpasses all this interaction is the fact that it lasted for 40 minutes at least.

I think that preparation for his speaking role in today's game was sponsored in part (too much TV again) by his speech therapy, where he has started practicing 'social stories.' Anyone have any experience w/ 'social stories?' I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments, good and bad, or ideas (even better!)

All in all, it was a joy to this mother’s eyes to see all of her little ones interacting. Even Abby reached for the toys and stared in awe at what was going on. What a wonderful day 'at school.'


Best wishes,

Khy and the big boys.