 | Diary Navigation:
|
March 17, 2003
IGNORANCE IS TRULY BLISS
Last Thursday, I took Jaida to work with me since we had speech therapy at 9:30. My MIL came to work extra early (lucky me), and she made Jaida come into her office. Jaida usually runs around from room to room talking to my coworkers and her daddy. My MIL wasn’t having that. She promptly gave Jaida some ‘work’ to do to keep her busy and still. I could hear their conversation and I knew we would soon be exchanging words. It went something like this:
MIL: Write your ABC’s for me on this paper.
Jaida: I don’t know how.
MIL: You don’t write at school?
This is where I jumped in and said, “No, they don’t.” Of course she demanded to know why not and just what were they teaching her at [this outrageously expensive] school. (They help us pay for it.) I said, “Not much of anything. She won’t get to that part of the curriculum until next year but she'll be in public school by then.” I left out the part about Jaida being the oldest child in her class (at age five) and being grouped in with three and a half and just-turning four-year-olds. I wasn’t in the mood to discuss it and a busy office with other people present was definitely not the place.
My MIL would not be dismissed so easily. “Do you make her practice her letters at home?” I felt my ears getting warm and in the most even voice I could muster I answered, “Not really, she doesn’t like to.” Not to be deterred from a chance to set somebody straight, she kept at me. “Well, she has to learn. She’ll need to know that when she goes to school next year. She’s just sitting here looking so bored and spaced out.” I had had enough and I was not about to get into a debate with her. She would just have a comeback for everything I said anyway. I got even more disgusted later when I heard her telling Jaida how she had to do well in school so she could “go to college and have a nice house and a car.” Hello? Talk about putting the cart before the horse.
But I took a deep breath, “It’s not that simple.” “Well, I know that but you still have to do it.” Okay, since she was looking for a fight, I decided to give her one. “There are a lot of other issues that need to be addressed long before we tackle writing. Jaida will be starting OT soon and after a few months maybe we can work on stuff like that.” She finally got the hint and focused her attention on helping Jaida with her letters. She sent Jaida to show me her work and I was sure she had seen firsthand what I was talking about. The paper was full of round-top a’s that were leaning more and more to the left as the line progressed. Jaida had been using her right hand.
If you could meet my MIL, you would probably assume that she was aloof or maybe a little stuck up. The truth is she’s about as clueless as they come. She only spends eight or nine hours twice a month with my children yet she assumes she knows everything about them. A third of that time is spent in church or they are taking naps. She drives me nuts and it takes all I have to tolerate her and her pushiness. She is the most nagging, domineering and miserable woman I have ever met. Most of the time, I ignore her but it’s getting harder now that I’m pregnant again. I feel like she wants so badly to chastise me for not turning Jaida into a brainiac like her niece’s children. Carol started working with her girls with flash cards when they were three and two. I wish that I could have done something like that with Jaida but I won’t go there again. I’m sure you all know what her early toddlerhood was like for me.
What I wanted to say was, “If you don’t mind, I would like to concentrate on things like getting Jaida to remember to wipe *and* flush every time she uses the bathroom. She always forgets to do one or the other. How about getting her to understand appropriate affection and personal space? You wanna help me with those issues?” She’s the one that taught school for years, she should be helping Jaida with that if she thinks I’m falling down on the job. As always, I let her comments get to me and I was feeling bad for a few days. Should I be teaching her that stuff? How would I get her to sit still after conforming to classroom rules all day? I don’t think she even knows what day her birthday is on. I know she doesn't know her phone number. I finally forgave myself for something I know I wasn’t capable of and got over it. I’m busy enough without an extra guilt trip.
I know it sounds like I need to cut my MIL some slack but I have no sympathy for people that don’t educate themselves. When Jaida was diagnosed, I tried to give her some information on autism and I even left a book on her desk that was the least overwhelming one I had read on the subject. She never cracked it open once and also never took it home. After a month when she started to pile stuff on top of it, I took it back. I can understand a little denial but damn, it’s been two years. This is not going away! I think that she thinks Jaida is cured. When Jaida began to talk more coherently and her social skills improved slightly, my MIL began to act like Jaida was capable of stopping her autistic behavior at will. She would scold her for doing strange things with her hands or the involuntary faces she made.
At least this situation is much easier with my parents. My dad is slowly coming out of his denial and thank God he stopped saying she would outgrow it. Now he just shakes his head and mutters to himself about what a shame it is that this happened to such a pretty child. Would it be easier for him if she were ugly? My mom thinks we are too strict on Jaida when it comes to discipline and she is always comparing my upbringing to the way we handle Jaida. It makes me want to yell, “You didn’t have any kids with special needs!” Of course I don’t but I think about saying it.
JOINT BIRTHDAY PARTY = EXHAUSTION
I really hate hosting birthday parties. If I had the money, I would rent some place or go somewhere like Fun Zone. Chuck E. Cheese would be an option if the clientele weren’t so thuggish lately. (Can you say bling-bling?) I asked Steve’s opinion and of course he told me we would just have it here. I don’t think he understood the small detail about me not wanting to clean up before and after. I reluctantly sent out the invitations and tried to prepare for the big day. I still had all the decorations from last year anyway. We ended up canceling the party then because Jaida had a virus that was pretty bad and I felt we shouldn’t get anyone else sick.
Jaida’s actual birthday was on March 2 and Jarod’s is on the 28th so I figured the 15th was a nice compromise. Until they know the difference, there will always be a joint party. :o) They both enjoyed the attention and all the guests. Jarod was a little overwhelmed and he spent the first hour looking like a deer caught in headlights. Soon he warmed up and people took turns carrying him, especially Steve’s cousin Carol. She said her youngest had been talking about seeing “baby Jarod” for a week. I told her he was not much of a baby anymore. I took tons of pictures with the digital camera and I promise to update our website.
The weird thing is, my FIL got sick very suddenly and had to leave. He kept saying he was tired but he looked like he was about to pass out. I’m beginning to suspect he might be diabetic. They had gone to a funeral before the party and he came in and started eating like somebody that just got out of prison. Steve and I compared notes and we think he ate two hamburgers, two hotdogs, chips, iced tea, and a slice of lemon meringue pie he found in the fridge along with two servings of ice cream. It was shortly after that when he sat down and looked like he was going to sleep. He got up and went out to the sunroom and the next thing we knew; my MIL was holding on to his elbow and guiding him out the door. Steve asked him if he had ever been tested for diabetes and he said no. I think he should get that done right away.
JAROD’S COUGHING, IT MUST BE SPRING
The first time Jarod was hospitalized, the nurse told me that when the seasons changed they always had a ward full of little kids wheezing and coughing. On Sunday Jarod was in the worst mood imaginable. He picked fights with Jaida all day long and I think he cried sporadically for a total of an hour and a half. It was horrible and I was alone with them for about two hours. I was still recovering from playing hostess and I just thought Jarod was still tired too. As the day went on, he began to cough, and cough and cough. It was almost unbearable to hear. He sounded like somebody in the advanced stages of emphysema or black-lung disease. I gave him a breathing treatment but it did no good. Since it wasn’t a continuous cough, I waited until bedtime to give him some 12-hour cough medicine. I decided it was the beginning of another cold since that is usually how they start out.
This morning, I was gone by the time he woke up but Mom said he had still been coughing when I came to get him for OT. All the way there he coughed; deep hacking coughs that made *my* chest hurt. To make matters worse, the old above-ground hydrotherapy pool was being dismantled today and dust was everywhere. Jennifer was at least smart enough not to take him through the room where it was but the main hallway was pretty dusty too. She told me he had coughed the whole time when she brought him back. After we got home, I asked Mom to give him some Pediacare and then another breathing treatment with albuterol. She called about 20 minutes after I got back to work to say he had thrown up after the medicine. Then she called back to say he had thrown up twice more. I called Dr. Simon’s office already knowing what they would say.
As I drove home to get Jarod, I estimated that I had been at work for two and a half hours. I had taken Jaida to an ENT appointment before taking Jarod to OT so now my workday was pretty much over. We got to the office and waited our turn. When Dr. Simon heard the cough he said it sounded like bronchial spasms and his thought was to try chewable Singulair in conjunction with Jarod’s current inhalable meds. He also wrote me a script for more steroids. Luckily, he had a sample of Singulair and I had some steroids left at home so that ruled out a trip to the pharmacy at 4:30 on a Monday evening. That saved me at least another hour of driving on dropping off and going back to pick up.
I had to crush the Singulair tablet and mix it in some applesauce since Jarod wouldn’t chew it even if he did use his molars for such a thing. After an hour the coughing stopped, only to return after he started playing too roughly with Jaida and running around. Steve made them sit still while I got his Pulmicort ready. Then it was bath time and I gave him the steroids. Jaida got him wound up again and the coughing escalated. Steve made them both lie down in our bed and I gave Jarod another treatment with albuterol. It was agonizing to listen to, but he coughed off and on for another 30 minutes before he fell asleep. Steve propped him in his bed on his side since that helped some and we heard him cough intermittently for about an hour. Then there was blessed silence, except for slightly noisy breathing. Steve checked on him and declared he was sleeping peacefully. Now I can breathe easier too.
AM I ALMOST 16 WEEKS ALREADY?
Where is the time (and this pregnancy) going? I am sailing right on through and I have never felt better. Are you sick of hearing me say that yet? Aside from the slightly swollen feet and hands, I don’t feel that different. It dawned on me tonight that I’m feeling so good because I had breast reduction surgery. The stress of supporting a big belly and huge breasts really did a number on my back before. I remembered that as I was leaning over the tub tonight. When I was pg with Jarod, I think I only bathed Jaida two or three times a week. It was that bad. Of course, the third trimester is not here yet so I guess I shouldn’t jinx myself.
I think Lambchop will be a morning person like Steve and the kids. Every morning, I try to hear the heartbeat with the BabyBeat and mostly I just hear what must be kicks. Maybe s/he’s up because I am, I don’t know. It was just in the last week that I was able to hear the HB consistently. There’s a whole lot of action going on in there. Sometimes I feel the movement along with hearing the sound and other times I don’t. That’s how I figured out when to give up on Lambchop being still enough to pick up the HB. I have another appointment on Friday and I can’t wait to see how much weight I’ve gained. I’m guessing at least five pounds.
THE ME REPORT
This week I plan to return to a support group that I found at a local church. It’s just for parents of children with special needs and I really enjoyed it last week. If you can find a group of people that can relate to what you’re going through, they can often tell you exactly what you need to hear when they’ve been there and done that. I made an appointment to see the attorney I spoke with and I can hardly wait. I got my hair done Friday night so I wouldn’t scare the children at the party and I promise to put a picture of me on Lambchop’s website so you can see. It’s not Charlie’s Missing Angel this time but more Nubian Princess. What can I say? I’ve been listening to Brandy’s Full Moon CD and I was feeling funky. Not to mention, this particular style makes me look about 23 and this is the only way I’m seeing that age again!
Check our sites for updates tomorrow!
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/n/nowucme
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/t/threescompany
Kim, Jaida, Jarod & Lambchop
 |  |
|
want to keep a diary on iParenting?
Authoring a diary on the iParenting network allows you to chronicle your family's story, preserving it for years to come. It's also a great way to get the most out of the iParenting community. Click here to start...
|
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families. 
