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March 26, 2003
THE BEST PARENTING ADVICE I EVER GOT
Today was Jaida’s five-year checkup but I’ll get to that in a minute. All the doctors in our practice are Christians and they have books by several Christian counselors and parenting experts in the waiting room. As an example, there are several titles by Dr. James Dobson, who has a syndicated segment (Focus on the Family) that runs on TV/radio stations across the country. But back to the story. In the exam room, there was a book by Dr. John Rosemond titled, The Six Point Plan to Raising a Happy Child or something like that. As we waited, I flipped through it and decided to read the introduction. I noticed the book was written in 1989 and I studied the picture of the author and his family on the back cover.
Dr. Rosemond started out talking about the way parents went to relatives when they needed advice in the old days. Then the baby boom happened and common sense went out the window and nonsense took over with the so-called experts. I found Dr. Rosemond’s idea to be dead on. He went on to say that he and his wife had read all the right books but everything still went wrong with their son. He said his readers (he writes a nationally syndicated newspaper column), always want him to tell them the secret of being a successful parent. He said the answer was very simple. If you are always saying to yourself that parenting is the “hardest job I’ve ever done,” that means you’re thinking about it too much.
Dr. Rosemond says that you should spend the majority of your time nurturing yourself and your marriage. After all, the marriage came before the family and it will be there after the children are grown. It made a lot of sense to me and I think I may check the book out from the library so I can finish it. Lord knows, I need all the help I can get. Dr. Rosemond also said that people are under the misconception that children require a lot of attention. He says feeding that myth is setting a child up for potentially addictive behavior later on in life because they come to love being the center of attention. I found that to be an interesting point.
JAIDA’S FIVE YEAR CHECKUP
I really dread Jaida’s well visits. Only because I know there will be questions that I do not want to answer. The checkup started out well with weight and height, 43 lb and 44 inches respectively. Then the nurse said she needed to perform an eye test. She had Jaida look at a chart that consisted of those hideous eye-chart e’s surrounded on all four sides by pictures. Jaida named the pictures perfectly. When the nurse asked her to point to the picture or side that the legs on the e’s were facing, we hit a snag. Jaida just looked at her blankly. I involuntarily held my breath while stifling my urge to jump in and do it for her. The nurse kept rephrasing the question and Jaida still couldn’t answer. The poor nurse tried drawing a diagram for Jaida to clarify what she meant about the legs on the e’s. She tried pointing to each picture and asking if it was the right one. Jaida said yes to them all. When the flustered nurse started to get that tone and body language I hate, I ended the torture for us all. She was sighing and looking at Jaida like, “Are you the dumbest kid on earth or what?” That’s when I blurted out, “She may not be able to get it.” I couldn’t take it anymore and I was getting angrier by the second. But I wanted to give Jaida a chance to answer for herself. The nurse got up and said she might have another test that would work better. I think she just wanted to step outside the room and see if there was an explanation in Jaida’s chart that might explain why she couldn’t answer a simple question.
When she came back, she acted as if the last 10 minutes had never happened and she took us to the exam room. I had to answer all sorts of questions like: “Does she know coins? Can she skip in broad jumps? Does she wet the bed? Is she ready for school?” I had to explain that Jaida is not potty-trained at night and she still needs Goodnites to sleep in. I hesitated so long on the school question that the nurse looked up from where she was making checkmarks on the questionnaire. I answered truthfully, “I’m not really sure.” The nurse looked at me compassionately, “You don’t think so?” “No,” I said quietly. She finished up with the questions and asked me to try and explain to Jaida that she would be getting shots today. She said Dr. Simon would be in shortly.
After much deliberation, I decided to go ahead with her vaccine boosters. I don’t think vaccines have anything to do with her autism diagnosis. Dr. Simon is aware of it and he made sure we had thermiserol-free vaccines. I am still trying to figure out what to do when Lambchop gets here. Do I delay the vaccines or space them out? I just don’t know.
EASTER IN THE SOUTH
Okay, I know I’ve touched on the quirkiness of the South before and I have to do it again. Easter means different things to many people. For me personally, it means celebrating the anniversary of the resurrection of Christ and the rebirth of humanity so to speak. For most Southerners, it means a new outfit, egg hunts on the church lawn and a basket full of chocolate bunnies. For most black Southerners, it means church will be jam-packed full of people that haven’t been since last Easter or Great Aunt Clydie Mae’s funeral. It means there will be lots of kids whining from scratchy/cheap lace dresses and new shoes. It also means you won’t find me anywhere near a place of worship on that particular Sunday.
I think the tradition of new clothes started in an innocent way, signifying renewal and purity. Somehow, that got lost along the way. My mom spent over $100 to make Jaida’s first Easter dress and she was only six weeks old! It was beautiful and it’s definitely heirloom quality. I should have that sucker preserved and framed in a shadow box. Sewing has become too hard on Mom’s back so she started bugging my dad for money back in January. It didn’t help that a store called Strasburg Children opened up here back in the fall and she and I both fell in love with the clothes. You know the type; hand-made, smocking, fabrics like silk, organza, Swiss batiste and Irish linen. It’s heaven in a retail store for fine clothing connoisseurs like us.
Anyway, after I visited on my lunch hour one day and gushed about it to her, she had to go too. I brought home a catalog and the planning began. She talked my dad into paying half and picked what *she* liked from the catalog I brought home. I picked up the outfits a few weeks ago and they are hanging in the coat closet in our den, still covered in plastic, where there is the least chance of a mishap occurring. Tonight after the kids were bathed and as clean as possible, I let them try on the outfits. Jaida’s is too long for my taste but for what it cost, she will wear that dress another season if it kills me. Jarod’s is too tight and I will exchange it tomorrow. I refer to it as his Little Lord Faunt-leroy outfit but it makes him look like an angel…in disguise. :o) Jaida’s dress is equally gorgeous and I have added pics of them modeling their outfits on our website.
If you would like to see what else Strasburg Children has to offer, they have a website too. Just click on www.strasburgchildren.com and don’t faint when you see the prices! The angelic-looking blond girl on the left is wearing the dress I got for Jaida.
HORMONES AND SWELLING
Okay, something weird is going on with my body chemistry. In the last few weeks I have developed, gasp…clutch the pearls, BODY ODOR! I don’t know what to do about it. I mean other than frequent showers and extra deodorant. I find this latest pregnancy gift most distressing and unwelcome. I can only use Almay hypoallergenic deodorant due to my sensitive skin and lymph nodes. Mitchum literally ate the skin off my armpits! I’ve tried wiping my pits with alcohol before applying but that only took it down a notch. What am I to do when August comes and its 1,000 degrees in the shade? This is so embarrassing. I walk around all day trying to “keep my wings down” as Mom would put it. Anybody have a clue what I should do?
I can only wear my wedding band and if I force my engagement ring on, the circulation in that finger quickly gets cut off. My feet have started to swell too. It used to go away overnight but lately they are still puffy in the mornings. The fact that my feet are so flat and wide that Steve calls them ‘duck paddles’ doesn’t help either. If I order shoes from the Massey’s catalog, I get a 7 ½ WW or 7WWW if they have them. How sad is that? I bought some knock-off Birkenstocks but they have an arch support that really digs into the flattest part of my chubby little feet. It looks like I’ll be wearing my New Balance walking shoes for the duration. They sure as heck ain’t cute but I’m past the point of worrying about vanity. I do so wish for a pair of shoes that lets the heat out and cool air in. Besides, who’s gonna tie them? Just call me Erma. What’s next, Depends?
OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES
One night as we left Jaida in her bed, Jarod asked for a kiss. (He always kisses my mom goodnight right after Jaida does.) Jaida kept her back to us pretending not to hear. I said, “Come on Jarod, Jaida will kiss you later.” Jarod followed me reluctantly while saying, “Oh man.” I thought that was too cute.
One night, I asked Jaida what she wanted to be when she grew up. At first, she was confused by the question. Then I said, “You know, when you’re a grown-up like me and Daddy. What do you want to be?” She looked at me for a second and said, “A mommy.” I said, “Yes, but what else would you like to do?” Jaida replied, “A mommy, that’s all. Then I will have a baby in my tummy like you.” With that, she kept playing like normal. I chuckled to myself at her answer.
On that note, I’m going to bed. But first, I need a snack. ;o)
Kim, Jaida, Jarod & Lambchop
PS~ Our web address is http:www.babiesonline.com/babies/n/nowucme
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