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April 2, 2003
SPRING BREAK = STIR CRAZY CHILDREN
By week’s end, I thought Mom was going to run away and never come back. Both the kids’ preschools follow the public school calendar and last week was spring break. I reminded Mom several times and I wrote it on our refrigerator message board. When Monday morning came, she looked shocked to see Jaida still in her pajamas. “You’re not going to school today, sweetie?” I couldn’t believe she forgot so I said, “Remember, I told you they were both out of school this week?” She just looked disappointed and said, “I didn’t know it was this week.” I left it at that, I had to get to work and I didn’t have time for an uncomfortable exchange anyway.
The first few days were rough. Jaida and Jarod fought like rabid dogs and Mom sent them to bed for their naps at 11:00 one day. I tried to make it easier by taking Jaida with me on Wednesday since she had an appointment. On Friday, Mom was looking really happy to see me when I got home. She went straight to her room and locked the door. She always acts like I exaggerate when I talk about how hard it is to keep them separated or entertained. Sometimes, I fantasize about auctioning them off on Ebay. The main problem is that Jaida tends to misbehave and since she is older, Jarod follows her lead. I still haven’t figured out what to do about that.
WILL JAROD EVER GET WELL?
Just when I thought we had everything under control, Jarod started running a fever on Sunday. By Monday it had progressed to listlessness and the saddest expression I had ever seen. He was too quiet and his eyes had dark circles under them. I took him to see Dr. Simon and after a quick exam, he concluded that it was probably another sinus infection. I told him that his nasal drainage had been pretty thick and green for two weeks but I had been diligently using his Rhinocort and keeping my fingers crossed. Since Jarod hates to blow his nose, it was probably all for nothing. All that goop had nowhere to go.
We left with a prescription for Zithromax and I thought the worst was over. On Tuesday night, Jarod woke up screaming at 1:00 AM. Even after he was in bed with us, he kept crying out every few minutes and thrashing around the bed. At 4:00, I got up to get him some juice and he was really hot. Steve was already up and on the treadmill (again! I think he’s obsessed). I took the blanket off Jarod to see if that would help. He wouldn’t drink the juice so I gave up and we both drifted back to a restless sleep. Jarod would whine for me to wipe his incredibly snotty nose and I would try to go back to sleep. Finally at 6:00, I realized he was still burning up so I found the thermometer.
On the second try (how did Celsius get on here?), I had the verdict: 103.8. I immediately called the answering service for our practice. Dr. T said that fever is never harmful but I should call and get him a sick appointment when the office opened. He also said, “I wouldn’t give him anymore medicine. I’ll bet the temp will be down to 102 or 101 by 9:00.”
I’m sure you can imagine that was not what I wanted to hear. I went straight to the kitchen cabinet and got the Advil. Jarod was still refusing to eat or drink and letting Jaida get dehydrated a few years ago taught me a valuable lesson. Minor illnesses in young children can go downhill quickly if you aren’t careful. At least he would drink something when he felt a little better. After I left to take Jaida to school, Mom said he ate a few bites of pancake too. To make a long story short, Jarod has a viral form of strep throat that has been making the rounds in the tri-county area. The doc we saw today instructed me to keep up the Zithromax and give Advil or Motrin for pain or fever. Jarod must have one heck of a sore throat; he will still only eat about one hour after a dose of Advil. At least he perks up some after the medicine kicks in.
ZOO OR DEATH ROW: OUR VISIT TO ANIMALS ON LOCKDOWN
Last Saturday we went to the zoo. Our TV has to be on Animal Planet at all times when Jaida is home and awake so I thought she would like to see some exotic animals up close. We don’t have elephants at our zoo but we do have one very old rhino that is missing his horn. He must have been cheap. They do have kangaroos, walloughbies (sp?), warthogs, giraffes, zebras and several varieties of reptiles, birds and primates. We looked at everything and Steve and I pointed out the interesting things as we went along.
One thing I noticed was how some of the animals kept pacing in the same spot in their habitats. I know there is a name for it but I can’t remember now. Some type of obsessive-compulsive disorder that animals in captivity suffer from when they are not properly stimulated. To be fair, our city and the zoo officials have tried to upgrade the habitats and enclosures to make them more “homey” but the animals are still in a foreign environment. The lions in particular looked so sad. The male lion had worn a path beside his little stream from pacing. When a zoo keeper drove by in a motorized cart, the other younger male jumped up and peered through the foliage on the fence to see if lunch was being served. When the keeper puttered off in another direction, male lion #2 promptly resumed his nap. Meals must be the highlight of his day.
I can see why some people don’t support zoos or animals in captivity at all. I’m wondering what kind of hypocrite that makes me since I see the animals are basically miserable but I still go to the zoo to gawk at them anyway.
AFP RESULTS & NESTING ALREADY?
My OB’s office has a new system that allows you to dial a number, enter your SS# and obtain lab results that the nurses record like voicemail. It is so much better than waiting for them to call while I stress about blood work or pap results. On Thursday, I called to get my AFP results hoping they were back. As I sat listening to the system go through all it’s spiel, I was getting nervous. Then I heard Shelly’s voice saying “your AFP was normal and this is good news!” I let out a huge sigh and practically skipped down the hall to tell Steve. I realize that no test is perfect but I feel so much better. Now I just have to make it to April 18 to see my baby on the ultrasound again. I will really relax after that is over. If Lambchop cooperates, maybe I will also find out for sure if I’m having another daughter or another son.
Is it too early to begin nesting? I keep having the uncontrollable urge to redecorate my bedroom. I want to strip the PINK, marbled wallpaper accent wall behind my bed and get rid of the PEACH drapes on the windows. What the hell was my MIL thinking? There is border too but I don’t think I can talk Steve into stripping that as well all in the same year. Of course, all this will take money I do not have so I guess I will have to daydream about it for now. I could get some mini-blinds for the windows to start with…
For all those wishing for spring, you can have mine. Man, am I ever miserable! Dr. D said no to the water-based steroid nose spray for my allergies and I was crushed. Even my kids use it, can it be that strong? The constant sniffling and sneezing is driving me mad! I’ve had a headache every afternoon since last Wednesday. I know it’s my sinuses and there is nothing I can do about it. Dr. D said I could use plain saline spray but what good is that? I might as well spray it in my mouth because that is about how much it will help. The drainage is making me nauseous too, especially after meals. I thought I was going to toss my cookies in the kids’ bathwater tonight. There’s a story for the baby book.
CRYING IN A ROOM FULL OF STRANGERS
At the support group I attend, I had a moment of emotional weakness a few weeks ago. I had the day from hell that particular Wednesday and when I got to the meeting, the topic made me really upset. The leader of the group is a licensed family therapist as well as an ordained minister with the church where we meet. His focus that night was to discuss how we felt about being a parent to our special child.
One couple has a son with cerebral palsy and they also have a “surprise” baby that is nearly a year old. The wife, I’ll call her Sandy, talked about how she struggled with her son’s problems at first. As time went on, she learned to see him in a different light. She talked about being grateful that she would never have to explain to him why he was different. From what I can tell, he’s nonverbal but he smiles all the time. He’s such a sweet kid. Her husband, let’s call him Rick, went on to say the stares from adults bothered him more than anything. Another father talked about how his daughter behaved before she was put on Ritalin. “Any other person might not have been able to take it. She was going full speed from the time she got up until the time she went to bed. At times, I found it hard to control my own feelings and I came to understand, but not condone, child abuse. When you get to the edge, it can be hard to step back.” I saw the tears in his eyes and heard his voice crack and that was all she wrote. The stress of my long day and the guilt over the way I had been feeling toward Jaida was too much.
Jaida can be difficult and there are days when I don’t even want to deal with her when I get home. But you know what? That is not her fault. She can’t help the way she is and I’m the adult. I should be more patient and slower to anger. As I listened to these people talk about how great their kids were, I was overcome with emotions. Mostly guilt, shame and remorse that I don’t even want to spend time with my own child. I tried to hold it all back but it was too much. I realized that every person in the room was looking at me. Soon, Sandy couldn’t take it anymore and she moved to sit beside me. I couldn’t even look her in the face but she just patted my back and rubbed my arm. If she knew what I was crying over, would she still feel so compassionate towards me? Our leader asked if I wanted them to pray for me for anything specific but I couldn’t say a word. Sandy asked if I needed him to come back to me later and I just nodded mutely.
Afterwards, the man beside me tried to make me feel better. “Don’t worry, if he had called on me first, I would have done the same thing.” I smiled and tried to make small talk, which I suck at, but he patted my shoulder and told me he was glad I had come. The leader made his way over to me and comforted me too. “Sometimes a good cry is just what you need to make you feel better.” I told him that I had had a rough day and he said he was there for me if I ever needed to talk.” I told him about Jaida (he had not been there the first night I went), and he found one of the members that had a son with autism. We all chatted for a few minutes and then I went to the store on my way home.
As I walked the aisles, I thought about what made me so upset. I made a promise to myself to not only do better but to try harder as well. It just seems like I am always pushing Jaida off on Steve since he handles her so much better than I do. But over the last week, I’ve tried to make an effort to spend more time with her, doing what she likes to do. We sat on the sofa last night and watched Animal Precinct on (what else?) Animal Planet before she went to bed. She asked me why the humane officers were doing certain things and I tried to explain as best I could. Suddenly, she said, “I like when you sit by me. And when you sit by me at the table and Nana [too]. I love you.” I was taken aback, but I said, “I love you too, Jaida.” Not to be left out, Jarod started leaning into my face saying, “Mama, love!” I knew what he was trying to convey and I told him I loved him too. Then Jaida said, “We love everybody!” I think I may be getting somewhere.
Kim, Jaida, Jarod & Lambchop
PS~ I have to add a big shout-out to all the fans of Reuben on American Idol. I think he might make it to the end! Woohoo! Reuben, you show 'em how to represent and hold it down for the "205" baby!
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