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May 4, 2003
A Friday Like No Other 5/04/03
Last week was really rough for Jaida. I had no idea why but she was behaving a lot worse than usual. Every morning last week, she was hard to control and uncooperative. I would get halfway to my room and Mom would call me back because Jaida was doing something outrageous. Each morning, I vowed that I would find someone to help me with her behavior issues and give me some idea about how to discipline her effectively. But by the time I got to work and had a chance to calm down, I always changed my mind. Maybe tomorrow will be better, I would say to myself. But the events of last Friday made up my mind for me.
Jaida woke up and was in a particularly obstinate mood. I had to cajole her for 15 minutes to make her get dressed. Then she would not sit down to get her hair combed. Mom was in the kitchen, Jaida was finally sitting patiently in the chair and Jarod was nearby in his mini recliner when I went to my room to get dressed. Halfway down the hall, I hear Jarod let out a shriek of pure terror and Mom is yelling for me to come back. In between shouts for me, she is yelling at Jaida to stop doing something. I get to the den doorway and see Mom taking the chair Jaida had been sitting away from her. Jarod was crying in that 'I’m hurt' kind of way and holding his face.
Mom begins to explain that Jaida took the chair and rammed Jarod in the face and chest with the legs, narrowly missing his right eye in the process. Mom keeps incredulously asking why Jaida did it and I don’t expect to get an answer, much less one that makes some kind of sense. I look at Jarod's face to see if there is any damage but he’s fine. Then I go to my bedroom and lock both doors. When I come back, there is evidence that Jaida has been unruly since her hair is still only half done. While I’m finishing breakfast, Jarod takes something that Mom needs and Jaida decides that a whack on the head with a wooden hairbrush will make him comply. At that point, I’m ready to choke her. “Why do we have to go through this s___ every day?!”
I finally get them in the van and strapped in and it feels like 1:00 in the afternoon instead of 7:45. Suddenly Jaida turns back into her old self. We get to therapy and she seems fine still. We get to school and I ask her teachers if she has been eating anything she shouldn’t lately. They swear she hasn’t but I don’t believe them. I only asked because I could have sworn I saw somebody give her cheese nips when I dropped her off the day before. Later that morning, Ms. Sophia calls me at work to say that a new child in the class has been very disruptive and they have had trouble getting her to act appropriately. She says Jaida is a big imitator and she often mimics this child even when she clearly knows better. Standing in the chair at lunchtime is one example Ms. Sophia gives me while suggesting Jaida may be going through a growth spurt. According to her, the other children are a little hyper when they are having one. I make small talk, thank her for calling me and hang up.
The rest of the day went like usual. It was payday so after I dropped Jarod off at home, I went to the bank and picked up some lunch. Like all Fridays, I was tired and ready for the weekend. The school picnic was that night and I was really glad I had decided not to go. Not only was it a picnic but we were asked to bring something too and I was not in the mood to stand around in 80 degree weather and chew the fat on a Friday night. Besides, I would only have to watch the other kids and be reminded that their parents have no clue how lucky they are to have children that are neurotypical. I look up to see Ms. Amelia as I'm walking into the school and I wonder why she is practically running in the other direction. She appears to be attempting to avoid me. She nearly runs into a parent carrying a covered dish as she rounds the corner of the building.
When I get inside, I go get Jaida’s bag and see why Ms. Amelia didn’t want to talk to me. There is an incident report attached to the bag. I open it up and feel sick when I read it. Apparently, Jaida hit Ms. Amelia in the face with a stick. Oh Lord, that poor girl. She must think I am the worlds worst parent since Jaida always seems to attack her. A few months ago, Jaida had jumped on her back from the deck steps when she thought Ms. Amelia was being mean to one of her friends that was being naughty. I knew all I could do was apologize but I’m sure she didn’t want to hear it. Ms. Amelia is such a sweet person and she was so appreciative when I gave her that scarf for Christmas last year. How do I apologize for this? Little did I know, it was about to get worse.
I went to the back door and searched the playground for Jaida. She was running around, yelling and screaming in such a way that I knew the weekend would be rough. I called for her to come inside and when Ms. Ayeiko saw me, she came running too. Jaida ran past me into the building, giggling all the way. Ms. Ayeiko gave me another incident report as she explained that Jaida had spit in her face and some of the other children’s faces. “She had a bad day today. She was running and yelling and not listening to us. I tried to talk to her but she laughed and ran. I think she knew what she was doing.” I couldn’t think of a word to say. I managed to tell her that Jaida knew better and that I was really sorry. Ms. Ayeiko said, “No problem, it's okay.” Then she gave me a sympathetic look as she turned to watch the other children.
I gathered up Jaida’s things and fought back the tears. As we walked to the car, Jaida wanted to know why we couldn’t stay for the picnic. I told her it was about to rain (which it was) and that I was tired. Besides, my ankles looked like tree trunks and I could not wait to get home. I couldn’t think of anything except those poor teachers and what they must put up with day in and day out. This was not a school for special children so none of them had any special training to deal with these types of problems. It made me wonder if Dr. Remko, the owner, would ask us to leave. There is a statement in the parent handbook that states any child that does not fit within the Montessori environment will be asked to leave. Jaida certainly was not making it easy.
I finally let a few tears slide down my cheeks when they threatened to blind me as I was driving. We got home and I walked straight into the sunroom and handed the incident reports to Steve. He said, “What is this?” I told him to just read them. Ms. Amelia’s was on top and he said, “Who did she hit with a stick?!” I told him she had hit Ms. Amelia and he immediately asked her why. I said, “No, you haven’t seen the best part, keep going.” He flipped to the second page and nearly shouted, “Spitting in somebody’s face?! Who was it?” I told him it was Ms. Ayeiko and several of her classmates. He was mad. He sent to our bedroom for a marathon timeout. Every time Jaida asked to come out, he told her to think about the people she hit and spit on.
I got busy in the kitchen making Jaida’s dinner. Jarod had just woken up and he was upset because Steve’s voice was raised in the bedroom and Jaida was crying. As mean as she is to him sometimes, he still hates to see her cry. I had to hold him and calm him down. Steve came into the den and took Jarod from my arms, “She will eat her dinner in there and she is not allowed to come out. If you see her get off the bed, let me know. I don’t want the TV on in there and no toys.” I took her dinner in and she begged to come out. I told her Daddy said she had to stay. The thunder was starting and Jaida was screaming that she was scared. Steve was only 10 feet from her but she still screamed that she was scared and the rain was coming. He took pity on her and sat in the doorway on the platform, leaning on the bed while she ate.
Her timeout lasted about three hours but I’m not sure she really got anything out of it. I tried to make some sense of her week-long behavior problems after everybody was in bed. If she hadn’t been eating any different, what else could it be? I had a thought suddenly and realized this was how she acted whenever she had another ear infection. The tubes were clear at her last doctor visit, so I knew that couldn’t be it. Then I remembered! Her right front tooth has been loose for almost a month. It wiggles when I check it but it never looks any closer to falling out. What if it needs to be pulled like the bottom two? What if the permanent tooth is causing an abscess of some kind from butting up against the baby tooth? An infection could definitely be the cause of her outbursts. Since it was Friday night and there was no dentist open anyway, I went to bed after I made a note to call her dentist on Monday morning as soon as they opened.
Saturday and today turned out just as I thought they would. Jaida was a complete holy terror; yelling, screaming, running and laughing at attempts to discipline her. I got out of the house today all by myself and soothed my nerves with a little retail therapy dedicated to Lambchop. I got the cutest winter rompers (in blue of course!) at Old Navy for $2.99 each and a fleece romper leftover from the holidays for $1.97 off the clearance rack. Then I drove the scenic route to the drugstore with the radio off. I drove through the garden district and Old Cloverdale near Huntington College. I simply LOVE old houses and the mature trees that usually surround them. I pretended to be a tourist. I even indulged myself and got a Steak and Shake burger for lunch. I felt thoroughly refreshed when I got home and everybody was napping so I had another two hours to sit in peace and quiet to watch HGTV. I sure hope the dentist can see Jaida on Monday. If her tooth isn’t the problem, then heaven help me.
I (or should I say we?) am going to take a long, warm bath now. I need to get ready for Monday.
Kim & Lambchop
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