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May 29, 2003
5/29/03—Summer School Teacher Phobia
Jaida has two months left at her preschool before public school starts. Earlier this week, there were several letters and notices attached to her bag about the summer program. I read the first few lines and it was standard stuff about the group she would be in and such. Then I saw that one of her primary teachers will be a woman that I don’t care for. This teacher, I’ll call her Ms. C, left to work somewhere else last spring and I was not at all sad to see her go. She and I had several confrontations during Jaida’s first year at Montessori. I’ve mentioned before that I pick up vibes from people and she gives off the bad kind. Ms. C struck me as someone that had no business working closely with young children because she didn’t understand them. She especially didn’t understand special needs children.
Ms. C is one of the teachers that gave me the impression she felt Jaida was just spoiled and I was too weak to discipline her properly. I told them Jaida was an extremely picky eater but Ms. C felt the need to leave me a note in Jaida’s lunchbox. I can’t remember the exact wording but it was something to the effect of, “Ms. Bush, Jaida never eats well at lunch. Maybe you could ask her what she would like to bring.” She also included the half-eaten sandwich and the rest of the untouched food. I do appreciate that her teachers are observant of these things but I don’t appreciate someone telling me, "Hey Stupid, have you ever asked your kid what she wants to eat?" I wrote her a note back that said, in a firm but polite tone, “I have asked Jaida repeatedly what she would like to bring for lunch but her problems with expressive communication make this difficult.” I went on to explain that we had recently learned she was allergic to her favorite (peanut butter), and that Dr. Corbier had advised against things like Lunchables and other overly-preserved and processed foods. That got her off my back.
If we don’t get these behavior problems under control soon, I may find myself without childcare for the better part of the summer. Ms. C is well-liked by most of the other parents and adored by the director. I’m sure it would only take one incident to get Jaida kicked out if Ms. C had anything to say about it. Yesterday, Jaida got too physical with a teacher that was taking a toy from another child when he was using it inappropriately. I made her apologize and I could tell the teacher didn’t buy it but I’m doing the best I can. I can’t make Jaida behave if I’m not around. People with autism are very visual thinkers. Instructions to act nicely go in one ear and out the other. She needs constant reminders and that leads me to my next topic.
Picture This!
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve had to throw away two pairs of Jaida’s underwear. She forgets to wipe and/or flush after using the potty sometimes. Steve was brave enough to rinse out a pair last week, but I can’t stomach the smell long enough to try and salvage them. GROSS! Anyway, I ordered some software that allows you to print out pictures of common hygiene and daily living skills. With the idea being, you tape the pictures up in the correct sequence to assist the visual thinker in remembering things. I finally took the time to do that last night and the difference was amazing. This morning, Jaida got dressed in five minutes flat instead of her usual 20 or 30. She looked at the pictures and did everything without any prompting from me.
Normally, I have to say, “Jaida, take off your pajamas, pick out some panties, find a shirt, get some shorts, etc. It can be very tiring, and Jaida would plop on the floor with a blank expression after each step was completed, seemingly clueless as to what to do next. I watched in silence as she looked at the picture of the boy taking off his pajamas, then she removed her own. She opened the drawer just like the boy in the picture and found some panties. I didn’t say a word just to see if she could do it on her own. It wasn’t hard since I was speechless at her performance. We haven’t tested out the bathroom sequence yet but I put the pictures in each bathroom just in case. It’s odd to walk in there and see some kid pulling off some toilet paper, wiping, flushing and then washing his hands. But if this works, I’ll laminate those suckers.
The one glitch is that most of the pictures feature boys performing the tasks, so Jaida kept saying that the pictures should go in Jarod’s room. I guess that is because autism is more common among boys. Another little problem that might occur is some of the pictures show winter clothing and Jaida might be adamant about wearing something similar if I use those. She has no concept of seasons and temperature. It’s no biggie though since she usually remembers to snap her pants and zip them. I think we’re off to a good start!
A Burst of Language
I think I mentioned that Jarod was talking more, but lately he’s been putting four or five words together. Just today, he kept telling Mom, “I wanna go bye-bye in da car.” Before I left this morning, I was in the laundry room and he wanted to close the dryer door. He pushed my hand away and said, “No, I wanna close it.” It’s amazing that he is gaining words so fast. At this rate, he should be caught up by his next birthday. Some of his pronunciation is still off but he is getting better.
For example, some of his words are really distorted and come out sounding totally unlike what he’s trying to say.
Rinse sounds like ‘quince’.
Open sounds like ‘ah-pen’.
Tractor sounds like ‘traptor’.
Please sounds like ‘leeze’.
But I think if we keep working on it, he will be fine. At least he points to what he's saying and we can figure it out that way.
The Saga of My Mother and I Continues
Okay, for all those sick of reading about my whining and moaning on this subject, you may want to skip this part. Now that I've got that out of the way, here’s the story. My uncle is disabled and has been declared incompetent. Mom volunteered to be his estate guardian and control his finances. This has proven to be a very stressful job and Mom does not handle stress well. I should know because I’m the same way. My uncle recently got a lump sum of back money from the government and this has complicated things even more. Mom is now responsible for helping him find a house to buy and a new car. How is it somebody can be found unfit to handle their own money, but at the same time be sane enough to operate a motor vehicle? But I digress…
There have been court dates, bonding to apply for and countless setbacks before the check actually came. All the while, my uncle has been driving my mom nuts. He always needs this or that and Mom has to drop what she’s doing and go pacify him. At times, he’s threatened to find someone else when Mom won’t bend the rules and let him have some ridiculous amount of money. She has tried to explain that she has to follow the rules or she could be fired by his attorney (or the court) and then he would be up the creek when they turn him and his fortune over to a court-appointed trustee. But you know crazy people; they don’t get the minute details. And trust me when I say he’s crazy. The whole family says he was like that before he went off to Vietnam and got doused with Agent Orange.
All of this new stress has left mom very snappy and huffy lately. She complains about the kids and doing the housework when nobody put a gun to her head and told her to do it. I am very appreciative and I always thank her because she is not getting paid in the literal sense. I mean, I buy her things that I know she likes or needs when I see them. I just got her a new cordless phone for her room and I didn’t expect her to pay me back, even though she wanted to. But I wish I could do more. In my condition, bending, lifting and stooping are nearly impossible so some things I just can’t do. Seeing the chiropractor has helped tremendously but I won’t be back to normal until sometime after I give birth.
I guess I’m trying to say that I understand her nerves are shot and mine would be too in that situation. I just don’t like being the focus of someone’s anger if I’m not the source. The thing that really did it today was a cancelled hair appointment. I mentioned before that my stylist and his wife were expecting a baby in June. Due to Jackie’s build and overall frame size, I knew she would deliver early. I bet she was a size 2 and 100 pounds soaking wet before she got pg. When Mom called Lamar last week, he told her that Jackie had gone to the hospital a few days earlier and was sent home at 4 cm’s but technically not in active labor yet. The doctor said any day and of course he had no way of knowing it would be today.
Well, Mom called me all flustered because she had called to see if he was going to make it and got his machine. Then his cell phone went straight to voice mail. Steve and I tried to tell her he was probably at the hospital and not thinking about his messages (and rightly so!). But she grumbled and complained and griped to me about how that was no way to do business. While I was bathing the kids, Lamar called and asked for Mom. Steve answered and I could tell it was him from overhearing the conversation. Steve brought me the phone and Lamar told me to tell Mom she could come in tomorrow. I explained that she had gone to her standby stylist but I would tell her he called. He said Jayla Elizabeth arrived at 11:50 this morning weighing in at 6 lb 6 oz (after they arrived at 6:00 AM). I congratulated him and told him to give Jackie my best.
Mom told me what she said in the message she left and I know he probably felt bad. She can get really nasty sometimes and all I needed to know about when not to go off, I learned from her. I watched her fly off the handle and make an ass of herself too many times to count when I was a kid. I wanted to tell him to ignore my mother and not be upset if she never called him back. This was the man’s first biological child (Jackie already had a son when they met) and he had no business thinking about work. Clearly, she is not at her best right now but I can’t do anything for her except pray. Her health can’t take much more and neither can I.
25 Weeks and Throwing in the Towel
I am quickly hurtling towards the third trimester. How did this happen? Well, I know *how* it happened but geez, I’m not ready! I’m turning into a real grouch and I’m finding it hard to tolerate the mundane aspects of daily life, like, oh I don’t know, work for example. My MIL felt the need to tell me how Blue Cross was going up again and then she still gave me a copy of the bill with our family plan cost HIGHLIGHTED. If she has a problem paying for it, she should ask us to contribute. They plan to enroll all the employees in September, how much does she think the bill will be then? I feel that if you are truly doing something from the heart, you shouldn’t throw it up in a person’s face every chance you get. And I never asked her to do it so why give me the bill? Maybe she wants a public butt-kissing in the town square.
How did I end up on that rant? Ahem, I’ll get back to the subject. As far as scatter brain caused by hormones, I’m starting to blank out on words when I’m talking. I’ll be able to see the word or the object I’m trying to name but it just won’t come out. I gesticulate wildly with my hands when this happens as if that will make the word pop out of my mouth. I’m sure I must be quite the sight. I shouldn’t be out alone should I? S
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