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June 18, 2003
Blessed More Than We Know 6/18/03
I got an email from my friend J earlier this week. I’ve mentioned her before and she has a son with autism. She wanted to hear how we were doing since we haven’t emailed each other since I told her about Lambchop. She finally has time to breathe now that summer is here and there is a break in her son’s therapy. J wants to get our kids together for a playdate before summer is over. (Her little girl is a year younger than Jarod and her son is a year younger than Jaida.) She also wanted to update me on her son’s progress. His speech is coming in slowly and they got a definite diagnosis of high-functioning autism as opposed to a previous PDD-NOS diagnosis. However, J feels that her son is still not improving the way everyone keeps telling her he will.
J was very candid and she disclosed that even though they have been dealing with this for over a year, it just hit her in March of this year that they are in this for the long haul. I told her I still struggle with that some days. It’s like a cold or virus that you keep expecting to pass and then you realize it’s forever. It’s hard to describe but I keep hoping I’ll wake up one day and all of this is just a bad dream, especially on those days when Jaida is acting worse than ever and I can’t make her behave. Then I think about J and her son. As Dr. Corbier said to me once, you can spot the ones with the potential for recovery. Somehow, I don’t think he falls into that category but who am I to say?
So now I’ve decided to stop focusing on all the things about Jaida that get on my last nerve. I am going to stop fretting over what she can’t do at age level. I need to rejoice over what she can do and try to nurture her self-sufficiency as much as possible. Going into her first year of public kindergarten is a huge miracle in itself. The day I got her diagnosis, I imagined her attending the school where the clinic was housed. It was my worst fear. For some reason, the thought of it made me want to cry. Now she will be able to get even more socialization and conversation skills by attending school with her peers in a regular setting. I should be most grateful for that alone.
Jarod Talks and Talks and Talks
Jarod can tell me just about anything now. His skin is still pretty sensitive even though he has no signs of eczema. When his armpits get chafed from the heat and sweat, he will tell me after his bath. “Mama, cream on my arm,” is what he says when he means ‘I need cream under my arm’. The creases inside his elbows and the backs of his knees get quite itchy too. It’s not uncommon for him to come up to me scratching and ask for cream there too. He has a fascination with motorcycles and he always tries to climb on Steve’s Goldwing when we go into the garage every morning (unless Daddy drove it to work). If he sees one go by he will say, “Mo-cycle, vroom, vroom!”
He has two friends in his class that he mentions by name all the time, Hunter and Phi-dip (Phillip). Every morning when we turn into the school parking lot, he will kick his feet and say, “There’s Phillip!” I think he thinks the white church bus is the white Suburban that Phillip’s mom drives. (Some mornings we both get there around the same time.) It’s so nice to know he is catching up. I wonder if he will always need some type of speech therapy since Steve and his dad both stutter and occasionally talk so fast I sometimes have to interpret for other people. Steve only gets stuck on L’s and sometimes M’s since he got therapy in school as a child. My FIL also has some other speech impediments and I have a hunch that type of thing is genetic.
Nesting and Incubating at Nearly 29 Weeks
I had a real attack of let’s-get-ready-for-the-baby this week. I realized that I needed to get some things done now since I don’t know how this pregnancy will end. I ordered a drug called domperidone to help my milk supply after the baby comes. It has to be ordered from New Zealand and the lactation consultant I talked with advised me to have it on hand since I can’t take herbs. I don’t know what my supply will be like until I actually give birth so I want to be ready. I also plan to get a Lact-Aid supplemental nursing device in case we have problems in the hospital. I don’t want Lambchop to starve if my colostrum is minimal those first few days. I also don’t want nipple confusion if a large amount of supplement is needed until my milk comes in. I’m sure this sounds like a lot of trouble to go through just to breastfeed but this is very important to me.
I sold almost all my infant gear so that had to be replaced too. I got a cute Moses basket from Katie (and Ellie) at BT but I decided that I needed something sturdy that was freestanding as well. I almost bought a stand for the basket but I thought about Jarod and his love of climbing into things and I decided that was a bad idea. We drag him out of the crib or off the changing table at least once a week. I can still use the basket when the kids are at school or away from home though. So I got a bassinet to use and that was a little more practical given the size of our house and the number of rooms we can and will need to wheel it to.
I had a Medela Pump-In-Style but a friend of a friend bought it from me and her baby is only five months old so she still needs it. I had a coupon for Toys ‘R Us so I got an Avent Isis to try out. I figure I’ll only have wasted $35 if breastfeeding doesn’t work out. Well, that’s not entirely true. I also bought one nursing gown and one Bravado bra. I had several tops left over from Jarod so that was good. Let’s see, what else? I bought a Playtex starter kit with the new silicone nipples. I hated washing bottles and my time will be much more limited now. Oh, I got some basic baby-care stuff like lotion and saline nose spray. There is nothing worse than a tiny stuffy nose at 1:00 AM. And don’t you just love the way baby lotion smells? I had said that I would only use unscented things on the baby since Jarod's skin was so sensitive to scented products and lanolin but I can’t resist. I have to try and make time go faster somehow, don’t I?
Then there are those pesky what-ifs. What if this baby is allergic to everything like Jarod was? What if he has eczema and reflux too? What will I do with another baby that can’t sleep from the discomfort of excess churning stomach acid? What if this baby is autistic? I try not to focus on these things but I can’t help it. Mostly, I just concentrate on making it another week without complications. My best friend called just a little while ago to tell me she has been admitted, probably until the boys are born. The bedrest at home was not stopping the contractions and she is now hooked up to mag sulfate, antibiotics and a few other things. I feel for her but I know she is in good hands. As long as the boys are healthy, I know she won’t mind any of this discomfort a bit. Now I feel silly for complaining about my back all the time. I’ve got it easy compared to some people.
As soon as I get the bassinet together, I’ll take a picture and add it to Lambchop’s site. I’m sure that won’t happen before this weekend. I am quite mechanical and I love to tinker but that thing is heavy and I will need Steve’s help to get it out of the box and all. If you would like to see, I got it from Toys ‘R Us.com and it is the Safety 1st rocking bassinet. It has a lovely beige and blue toile pattern on the bedding that is not too feminine. Well, I need to run. There is a cantaloupe in the kitchen calling my name. Besides, Lambchop is challenging Michael Flatley for the title "Lord of the Dance" and my ribs and muscles need a break.
I will close by offering my hearty congrats to Christina (former MT writer) on the birth of Evan Michael. What a cutie!
Until next time,
Kim, Jaida, Jarod & Lambchop
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