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July 2, 2003
What Is It About Friday? 7/02/03
I guess I spoke too soon about Jaida sailing through the summer with no serious behavior issues at school. Someday I will learn to stop tempting fate. When I went to pick her up on Friday, Ms. Katy and Ms. Danielle gave me “the look” when I walked in. It had been raining so everybody was inside instead of roasting on the playground. Ms. Danielle was leaving but she still smiled and said hello before she left. Then Ms. Katy quickly followed me into the kitchen/storage area. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” When I hear that question, I know something is up.
Ms. Katy followed me into the corner where Jaida’s bag hangs and she began her story. I involuntarily held my breath. “On the playground today, Jaida went over to the steps, took Ms. Suhas’s glasses out of the case and threw them across the playground.” I let out my breath in a rush and closed my eyes. Ms. Katy went on to say that she had made Jaida sit out from playing for the rest of the time they were outside and then she kept her in when everyone else went out after lunch. I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what can I say that will sound like I’m really trying to teach Jaida the bare essentials about acting like she wasn’t raised by wolves?
I regained my composure and asked Ms. Katy if the glasses were damaged and she assured me they weren’t. I told her Jaida and I would be having a talk on the way home about not touching other people’s things and especially about breaking other people’s things. Ms. Katy said that Ms. Suhas was from a different culture and her way of talking to children was not like the other teachers. Ms. Katy said she got more results with getting in the child’s face and making them look at her when she talked. Ms. Suhas tends to yell and wag her finger at them. I just apologized and promised that Jaida would be talked to.
Never one to say something negative without adding a positive, Ms. Katy went on to tell me how smart Jaida is. She is the science teacher and she said Jaida showed great respect for the animals (a turtle, two lizards and three fish), while the other kids had to reminded all the time to be gentle. She seemed to be amazed with the way Jaida completely takes in animals and quickly becomes familiar with them. I told Ms. Katy that Jaida’s love of animals was one of her strongest personality traits. She was satisfied that she had done her teacherly duty and she went off to check on the other kids.
In the car, I asked Jaida if she had gotten into trouble that day and she said no. I asked if she was sure and she said yes. I asked if she had done something she wasn’t supposed to on the playground and she said yes. I asked her to tell me what happened and she said Ms. Suhas’s glasses were on the ground. When I pressed her to tell me how they got there, she admitted that she had thrown them. I asked if she knew she was not supposed to touch other peoples’ things and she said yes. Then I asked if she knew it was wrong to throw other peoples’ things and break them. She said yes and I told her that maybe we wouldn’t go to her cousin’s birthday party the next afternoon since she couldn’t follow the rules. We were both silent the rest of the way home.
I’m not even going to speculate on what made Jaida behave the way she did. I was, however, driven to finish a book I started months ago. It’s called Pretending to be Normal, by Liane Holliday Willey, a woman that has Asperger’s Syndrome. Amazingly, the author did not discover she had this high-functioning form of autism until one of her twin daughters was diagnosed with it. After that, her whole life began to make sense to her and she felt vindicated for being the way she had been her whole life, different and unusual. It was a fascinating book and I recommend it to everyone. There is nothing like a first-hand account of what life is like for someone with such a puzzling and complex disorder as autism. I gained even more insight into what life must be like for Jaida.
Liane talked about struggling to find her college classes every day by looking above the lecture hall doors to identify the room numbers if she managed to get to the building. Even though she went to the same place almost every day she could not rely on landmarks and the hallways looked foreign to her. Consequently, she failed some classes because she stopped going. The shame of always walking in late was too much for her. Everyone staring at her almost sent her into a panic attack. I find it amazing that she was able to go on to earn a Ph. D., marry and have children before she was diagnosed. That is proof that although people with autism sometimes behave like they have mental retardation they are indeed very smart. At some points, Liane’s behavior was so ridiculous it would have been comical were it not so sad. Once after realizing she was late to pick up her twins, she left a salon and ran into the school with foil on her hair and red dye everywhere. Her appearance never crossed her mind until all the other students and teachers started laughing when they saw her. Her life sounds like one long episode of I Love Lucy.
I like to compare the brain of a person with autism to a computer. You know the file you’re looking for is in there but you can’t figure out how to get to it or pull it up when you need it most. Jaida will often go in her room to undress for a bath and leave her clothes on the floor, beside the hamper. On weekends she gets up from her nap and leaves her Pull-up on the floor, sometimes in front of the diaper pail. She did so well with the pictures and dressing herself that I thought we were home free. Unfortunately, that success was short-lived. We’re back to stumbling around aimlessly in the mornings. I try to have more patience with her but being rushed and perpetually late makes that hard. But at least I know that Jaida is not really doing these things on purpose (at least that’s what I hope) and that makes it a little easier to stay calm when she does something that seems silly to me.
Grandparents and the Weapons They Provide
My dad is a golf nut. He tried to get me interested in the game when I was little and he used to call me Nancy Lopez. Back then, she was the only well-known female golfer on the circuit. Last week, Dad took leave of his senses and bought my kids (a.k.a. Terminator 1 and 2) a set of golf clubs each. Of course they were the toy kind but weapons nonetheless. Within 20 minutes of being out of the packaging, Jarod had hit Jaida on the head twice. Jaida was totally oblivious to what they were intended for and she wanted to use them as stilts. Dad tried to show her how to stand and hold them but she wanted no part of all that. What she did want was the flag that went in her putter cup and the Hippo putting trap that came with Jarod’s set. When you get the ball in the Hippo’s mouth, it drops shut.
Dad took them outside and was tickled to death when Jarod actually hit the ball several times with little prompting. I mean he was really whacking it. He and Steve sometimes watch Tiger Woods play, so Jarod knows what to do with a club and a little white ball. Unfortunately, he also liked banging the clubs on the floor pretending to kill ants so both his clubs were broken three hours later. (“Ants dead, Mama,” he proclaimed proudly.) But Steve came to the rescue and fixed the plastic iron and putter with black electrical tape and Tiger, Jr. was back at it in no time. Jaida’s set is perfect for her height but Jarod has even smacked the ball with her clubs a few times. Since safety is an issue, they can only play with the clubs in the sunroom with Daddy because he can maintain law and order with only a hint of a raised voice. If I were alone with them, they would bludgeon each other in no time.
My MIL came by the other weekend to get the last of her decorating accents; some black art, some silk floral arrangements and some other knick knacks. Steve put some tennis rackets in her car too. The next day when we went to pick up the kids from their visit, she tried to give the rackets back. “Those are children’s rackets, you can take those back,” she said. Steve told her to give them to his brother since he and his wife sometimes play. “But those are for children,” she insisted. Steve said, “I know, I meant he could give them to his girls if they want to learn.” She finally got it but she still tried to make us take them. I finally said, “They don’t need anything they can use as a weapon!” She looked a little stunned but she took the hint.
I swear she almost needs visual aid sometimes! Steve told her how we had to hide the stupid things after the kids found them in a closet. From the beginning they were using them to hit each other or bang on things. It was a nightmare. Honestly, doesn’t she remember how Steve and his brother used to fight? When Steve was about 14, he shot his older brother in the leg with a bee-bee gun after an argument got heated. Luckily it didn’t break the skin. Is that what I have to look forward to when Jarod and Lambchop get older? My brother and I got physical but not like that. Even Mom talks about how her brothers fought when they were teenagers. I guess I should just prepare myself now. Maybe I should buy a striped shirt and a whistle.
Another OB Appointment
I saw Dr. D today and he was just tickled pink with me. I only gained half a pound since last time, my B/P was good and my urine was normal. I will go back in two weeks and have another ultrasound to check the baby’s growth and a non-stress test. I think I will also be checked for Group B strep at that visit too. I’ve always been negative in the past so I hope I still am. Things are really zipping along now. Dr. D explained again that I will start weekly visits after the next one and he was saying how he knew it was a pain to come in every week but it was really for my benefit and the baby’s. I thought of my best friend and I told him he would get no arguments from me.
I called her last night and she told me she is no longer allowed to get out of bed. I felt really lucky and blessed after that conversation. I can’t imagine not being able to shower or use the bathroom but I know I would do it if I had to. She had to be catherized and they bring her a bedpan for #2. I hope she has some dignity left when this is over. She is trying to focus on getting to 30 weeks and at the moment that is all that gets her through each day. She is handling all this very well and she seemed to be in good spirits but I got the feeling she won’t be having anymore babies when this is over.
After my appointment today I had to go to a store nearby to get Jaida some gluten-free waffles. I stopped to get gas when I left there and noticed the Krispy Kreme “hot donuts” sign was flashing. Oh boy! I figured I had only gained half a pound, I was worthy of a little treat. I’ll pay for it later though. Lambchop will be on a major sugar high, LOL. As it is, he is doing this weird stretch/lunge thing daily now. I feel something up high and down towards one hip at the same time lately. Like he’s stretching his arms over his head and stretching his legs at the same time. It feels really bizarre. Then there are times when he only moves up high and it must be either a little booty or a back. I can’t wait to take a peek in two weeks and see what position he’s in. I also want a weight estimate to see if he is near what the books say at that stage. Hopefully they will use the heartbeat reading from the ultrasound then too. By the time Shelly found it today I had goop everywhere.
My back is much better this week and I think maybe Lambchop has changed positions. My chiropractor is closed all week so everybody there could take a vacation. I will be ready for an adjustment by the time next Monday rolls around, I’m sure. Dr. Tom suggested I try water aerobics to help me get ready for labor. Unfortunately, I don’t know anyone with a pool that lives nearby and all the places that offer classes are too far away or the class times are too early. I wonder if our hot tub would work, with the heat turned off of course. I guess that would be better than nothing.
The Tooth Fairy Cometh
Also on Friday night, Steve “helped” Jaida’s tooth come out finally! It was really starting to look ridiculous. I mean it was almost sideways in her mouth all the time since it was so loose. Not to mention it hung lower than all her other teeth by about half an inch. She was developing a lisp and I was beginning to think a bare spot would look better. After dinner, it was almost twisted backwards and Steve had had enough. He took her to our bathroom and turned on all the lights. Then he applied the numbing stuff the dentist gave us and went to town twisting, wiggling and manipulating that pesky tooth with a clean washcloth. It was only holding on at the very back.
Jaida was crying her eyes out. Not because it hurt but because Steve had used so much numbing gel, it was stinging her tongue. She kept saying her mouth was hot. I guess her mouth is hypersensitive too. After she kept jerking her head, Steve enlisted my help to try and hold her still. Then the tooth popped out after about two minutes and Jaida was an official snaggle puss again. The permanent tooth is already moving forward in her mouth. Before we could only see the corner of it if she opened her mouth really wide and tilted her head back. Hopefully it won’t come in crooked since it was held back for so long. I can just see Jaida getting braces. They would have to sedate her and me too probably.
Until next time,
Kim, Jaida, Jarod & Lambchop
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