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November 21, 2002
11/21/02 Therapy updates & my battle with the green-eyed monster
Jaida's speech therapy update
Our private sessions were going extremely well. When all the gluten and casein are out of Jaida's system, her mental clarity is astounding. However, we had a setback this week and Jaida was very distracted. At first, I thought it was the mini vacation from last week's sessions during my recovery. After lots of thought, I decided it was a dietary problem since I've seen some old behaviors returning at home as well. I tried to figure out what could possibly be the problem now. We've eliminated just about everything. Then I remembered, Jaida loves to dip her chicken nuggets in ranch dressing. DUH! After checking the ingredients, guess what I found? Buttermilk. I don't know why I didn't think about that small detail before. The amount she uses is more than enough to cause a casein reaction. She practically drowns the chicken in it. I decided to whip up a tasty substitute, so I got out my cookbooks.
In "Special Diets for Special Kids, II" there was a recipe for ranch dressing. After I mixed and measured and stirred, I presented Jaida with my creation. I was surprised since it looked exactly like the real stuff. She tasted it and proclaimed, "Dis doesn't taste good." Sigh... From now on, it's gluten free ketchup and mustard only. Unless I can find a suitable replacement, I guess those will be staples in our house from now on.
Jarod's speech therapy update
We are having some success with Jarod lately. I think the combination of speech and occupational therapy is doing the trick. Beth said she wanted to teach Jarod some sign language so that he can communicate until his words come in. I was a bit skeptical even though other diary writers have had remarkable outcomes with their little ones. Jennifer S. and Collin from TT used it daily, I believe. Anyway, we started small with 'please' and 'thank you'. Jarod had 'please' mastered after the first day! If he was whining and behaving strangely, I would ask if he was hungry. "Jarod, do you want some milk?" He still says 'no' when he means yes, so his answer would always be, "Nooo." So I decided to test him. I would say, "Can you say please?" He reached up with his right hand and made a circular motion on his upper chest. I was so shocked, I made him do it again so Steve and Mom could see.
He is also working on making animal sounds and other familiar sounds like cars, etc. We still haven't gotten him to make the sign for 'thank you' but we are working on it. Lately, we have learned to read his speech cues too. If he says 'no' in a whining manner, that's a yes. If he says 'no' in a quick, decisive way, that's a real no. To my surprise he picked up nodding his head 'yes' rather quickly too. When we ask him something and he says 'no' but we know he means 'yes', Beth told us to physically nod his head while saying yes. As in, "Yes, you do want some water," etc. Now he uses his own hand to nod his head. It's incredibly cute.
The Incredible Hulk -vs- The Jolly Green Dwarf
I really don't like to discuss anybody but my kids and husband in my diary. Other writers have had trouble on their TTM boards when they painted relatives in a less than positive light. Now, I must make an exception to make an important point. Normally, I’m not a very jealous person. However, when it comes to my BIL and his wife, I’ve been known to transform into the Incredible Hulk. For years, my comparison of our lives to theirs was a source of strife between Steve and me. It was only in the last four years that I’ve grown up and accepted that we all have our own lives to live. And some of us will live better than others. There is always somebody worse off than me, so I should be thankful for what I have and stop being so petty. That is easier said than done. Those old feelings resurfaced last weekend when we visited L and D at their brand new house.
When Steve and I met, L had just married D a year before after a 5 year courtship. When they bought a house, Steve often took me along when he went to help L with minor home improvements. As I sat watching them hang wallpaper and chair molding, I pretended it was our house. L must have seen the far away look in my eyes and he busted me. “Are you sitting there pretending this is your house and your husband?” I was embarrassed to death and I blushed accordingly. I laughed off L’s comment and changed the subject. That was the beginning.
A year or so later, my niece came into the family through adoption. I was so excited and happy to be an aunt. Steve and I were still dating, but it was a given by now that we would get married. The only question was when. From my point of view, L and D had it all. I couldn’t wait until Steve and I were in their shoes. But we didn’t have the one thing they did, money. L was no longer working for my in-laws by this time and was pretty much estranged from them. Although, he allowed my in-laws to visit my niece and even baby-sit her regularly. But soon, there was another disagreement that caused more hurt feelings and the rift became a Grand Canyon-sized crater.
By 1996, Steve and I had married and were living in our first house, which I always referred to as our “starter” home. I was working for my in-laws and probably being called everything but a child of God by L and D. (I feel like they’ve always considered me a suck-up because I know how to get along with my MIL.) Each time we visited L and D, we would end up in huge fight later. Steve said I was never satisfied and he was sick of trying to please me. He said he was doing the best he could and I made him feel like it was never enough. Everything Steve said was true, but I was young and naïve. I thought all our problems would be solved if he would just go out and get a second job. That’s what L did when his full time salary didn’t cover the cost of his and D’s lifestyle. I wanted Steve to be devoted to making my every whim a reality the way L did for D. It got worse whenever L and D came by to show off their newest car or gadget. Then there was the way D got a new, big piece of jewelry for every holiday and significant occasion. I wanted to be her so bad, I could taste it. For our first Christmas together, our house was our only gift. We had to beg and borrow just to get it. We were as poor as church mice but we were so blessed and we had each other. I was too blind to look at it that way then.
After a while, D and I both gave birth to baby girls. Jaida was born in 1998 and L and D’s daughter followed a year later. We were all stunned since D had been told she would never have a baby. There was a brief reconciliation, but then the cold shoulder syndrome grew to include Steve and me too. L and D regarded us as the enemy because we sympathized with my in-laws. It was then that I began to realize that maybe I didn’t want to be anything like these people at all. I may have my differences with my in-laws and not always like the way they act, but that has nothing to do with my kids. I would never deprive them of their grandparents’ affection. I think that is just wrong, plain and simple.
So, last Sunday as I strolled through L and D’s custom built house, the Jolly Green Dwarf came out very briefly. At least it wasn’t the Hulk this time. I looked around and took it all in so I could describe it to my mom later. There were marble countertops in the kitchen, but not just any old kitchen. It was my dream kitchen! They had the exact same plumbing fixtures I had drooled over in a Lowe’s circular months before. The master bedroom and bath made my jaw drop. I do have to say, my bathroom is pretty spectacular now too. I had to watch my step occasionally to dodge the Samoyed puppy that D had shipped all the way from Missouri. As I deeply inhaled the scent of fresh paint and hardwood, I had a revelation. I wouldn’t trade places with her for anything in the world.
Yes, their house was fabulous with a capital F. Yes, I would kill and hide the body for that kitchen. And yes, I would love to decorate my kids’ rooms from scratch with all new furniture the way D had done for her girls. But I can’t pay the high price it would cost me personally to do all that. L and D both work in retail management in large chains; D’s is national as a matter of fact. They both are sometimes required to work 60 hour weeks. They have always needed a regular Saturday babysitter. At certain times of the year, it may be a month before their days off coincide. I don’t think I could live like that if I didn’t have to.
I want to be with my kids during my precious free time. But it wouldn’t be much fun if I was too tired to play with them. I can’t imagine missing any more of their firsts than I have already. I love being able to see how quickly they really do grow up for myself. With the holidays upon us, I want to be with my wonderful husband and my two beautiful children more than ever. I don’t have a lot of money, but my life is so rich I can afford to do that.
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