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December 15, 2002
12/15/02 SICK KIDS
I don’t know why I thought we would escape cold and flu season unscathed. Call it optimistic ignorance, or maybe wishful thinking. Steve got it first, and then I woke up on Wednesday with a scratchy throat. My chest felt heavy and I could tell I would develop a nice geriatric-like, productive cough. Jaida soon began coughing and sneezing so I tried to keep everybody quarantined from Jarod. Colds are always much worse for him and every time I see his nose run, I imagine us back in the hospital under an oxygen tent. Call me paranoid, I can’t help but think the worst sometimes.
DR. JEKYLL, JAIDA HYDE
Jaida is so unpredictable when she gets sick. I had to have a chat with her teachers on Wednesday and Friday because of her behavior. Ms. Katy told me she wouldn’t nap at all on Wednesday and she laid there kicking her feet and talking across the room to one of her friends. Ms. Anne told me she kept saying the word ‘butt’ over and over after they warned her several times to stop. I sighed and assured her we would have a little talk about that later on. I didn’t want to appear uncaring but when something upsets the delicate balance of her internal systems, there is really nothing I can do about her acting out. Also, at that particular moment I was more concerned with getting to Jaida’s ENT appointment on time. Only to spend yet another $25 co-pay to hear that the tubes are still in good position and they may fall out on their own in another three to six months.
Afterwards, I decided to take Jaida with me to Sam’s Club to get my Mom’s Christmas present. My brother and I were buying her a new television for her room. Her old one was repaired last year and then it died again. RCA had a recall but I think they make crap anyway, but I digress. I bought a few other necessities that I couldn’t resist buying in bulk and Jaida conned me into buying her a giant stuffed leopard. I must have been temporarily insane, but I just decided to let it be another early Christmas gift. A relative had given me some money to get her a present and I was having trouble coming up with an idea to spend it on. She remembered where the leopard was but I didn’t and she kept begging to go back to that part of the store. I finally figured out why and I relented. Why am I so weak? She really didn’t deserve another gift since she was misbehaving at school and at home but what can I say? It’s so hard to know when to hold her accountable for her actions and when to let it go.
Sometimes, it’s as if some unknown force is driving her to do things that she knows are unacceptable. She just doesn’t appear to be capable of stopping even if she wanted to. I’ve seen it in therapy and Roan even commented on it one night when her distraction made getting an answer impossible. I sometimes stop and ask myself, if she had been born without arms, would I scold her for using her feet to pick things up? Of course the answer is no and that’s another aspect of her high functioning level that makes life so complicated. Does she really understand? How can I be sure? The answer is I can’t know what’s in her head no matter how hard I try. I just have to use my judgment and do what my gut tells me.
A SICK JAROD IS NEVER A HAPPY JAROD
On Thursday, Jarod’s first symptoms surfaced and I wrote them off as teething. My Mom called me at work to tell me he was refusing his bottles and he hardly drank anything all day. I assumed it must be teething pain. On Tuesday, his cheeks were red and broken out. He also had the typical diarrhea that goes with most teething episodes. I debated canceling his appointment, but I figured a flu shot wouldn’t affect him too much and he didn’t have a fever. When we got to the doctor’s office, he was weighed (with all his clothes on he was 25 lb, 9 oz) and they checked his temp which was normal. The nurse looked him over and asked me if he had exhibited any cold symptoms. I said no and she proceeded with the shot.
On the way home, he began to whine and kick his legs. I knew he had to be starving and I tried to hand him his bottle. He kicked harder and drew back his hands. I didn’t know what to do, or what to feed him that he would actually eat. Then I had an idea, I went to Burger King and got him some chicken tenders. He used to like gumming on those when Jaida ate them. To my great relief he nibbled one all the way home. That evening, he was still refusing the bottle so we gave him some food that we thought he might eat and to our surprise he ate heartily. I thought maybe he was weaning himself from the bottle. He woke that night and was obviously hungry but still adamantly refusing his bottle. I gave up and took him to bed with me. He slept with us until 6:00 the next morning.
On Friday it was more of the same, hungry and cranky but not eating. Saturday was a repeat and the crankiness got worse. Then, on Sunday morning he woke up coughing and barking like a seal. Oh God, not that, anything but that! I got him up and changed his diaper while he lay there barely moving. I took him to the kitchen and got out his Pulmicort and gave him a breathing treatment. After he had something to drink he seemed to perk up a little. He even ate some little bits of hash brown and bacon. Shortly after that his nose began to run like a faucet, then the tantrums and crying started so I gave him a dose of Tussi-12 and rode out the storm until he fell asleep. Hopefully, Monday will be better and we are definitely going to skip OT. Going out in the wind and cold air is not good for his compromised lungs.
ACCIDENTS HAPPEN
During the writing of this entry, I stopped to get something for Steve while Jarod was still sleeping. My Mom asked me to get some buttons for a velvet romper she’s making for Jarod so I thought I could get back in an hour and a half, tops. I decided that maybe Jaida would behave during a short outing and I let her come with me. What the hell was I thinking? We went to Sports Authority to find Steve some Lycra shorts to walk in. Jaida wanted to buy some gifts for her teachers and I had to talk her out of the Scooby ball she wanted to buy one of them. I told her that Goody’s or Stein Mart would be a better choice to buy teacher gifts and she started to whine. I could see things quickly heading downhill from there. Jaida continued to whine as we stood in line until I threatened to take her home and not go any place else. She finally decided on Goody’s which was right across the parking lot.
In Goody’s, her mood seemed to improve and she helped me pick out the gifts. We found something for three of them but we had trouble picking something for Ms. Amelia, the youngest of the group. Jaida wanted to get a small stuffed dog with a Santa hat for Ms. Amelia’s little brother. It was only $2.99 so I said okay. I decided to get her a warm scarf for playground duty and I headed towards Accessories. Jaida saw some small purses on display and she asked for one. I asked what on earth she needed a purse for. Her reply was Musikgarten class. I tried to explain that she didn’t need a purse and the whining resumed. I got the nicest scarf I could find and played fastest-checkout-line roulette.
Jaida saw yet another table of irresistible goodies and begged for something that resembled a mini palm pilot with interchangeable outer cases in assorted colors. I told her we were not buying that either and she got more irritated. I reminded her of the giant leopard at home and she said that was Jarod’s leopard now. Sigh… Suddenly, she saw the scarf in my cart and flipped out. “I don’t want that in the buggy!!” I snatched it from her reach and threw it in the back. Jaida continued to scream and that developed into sobs. Of course the woman in front of me needed a price check and I could only stand there and pretend I didn’t notice the stares or my child bawling at the top of her lungs.
The cashier looked relieved when the clerk showed up with the correct price and she gave me a sympathetic look. Jaida started to quiet down but instead was gathering her breath for a new chorus of “I don’t want that in the buggy!!” I paid for my things and commented to the cashier, “Maybe I could stick a price tag on her and leave her here?” The lady behind me chuckled to herself. I attempted to put Jaida’s coat on and she jerked away and screamed louder. She is way too big for me to carry and I just struggled silently. When her coat was on, I tried to take her hand while she yelled, “Don’t touch me, I don’t want you to touch me!!” Once we were in the car and moving, she calmed down.
We went to Hancock’s for the buttons and she was still not quite back to normal. I decided to go to another store while I was in the area and that’s where I made my biggest mistake of the day. I should have gone straight home after Hancock’s. While trying to get into the parking space, I dinged the car on my right. Oh, $*#@!!! That’s the perfect ending to this $*#@-ty day! I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts and my courage. I got out and looked at the damage. Down near the rear wheel was a small scrape and missing paint. I went inside and asked them to page the owner of the vehicle. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I told the poor woman what I had done. She seemed really upset and I tried to apologize.
Once outside, she inspected the damage and frowned. I noticed that there was a long scratch down the entire side of the car that had been covered with patch paint. That looked even worse than what I did to it. While we waited for the police, she called her husband and relayed the story. He must have been asking how it happened and I overheard her say, “No, she came into the store and had them page me.” Jaida kept asking why we were waiting in the car and I called home to say I would be late and Steve answered. I had hoped Mom would, that would give me time to think of a good explanation for Steve. He always has a way of making me feel stupid when I already feel so low I’d need a step ladder to reach the curb. Surprisingly, he only asked how I had managed to hit another car and left it at that. He asked if I was okay and when I said I was feeling dumb, he consoled me by saying, “It happens to the best of us.” What a guy, huh?
The policeman gave us forms to fill out and exchange and it was over in 10 minutes. On one good note, the lady was shopping with her SIL and when her husband called back on her cell phone, her SIL talked to him and explained we were doing paperwork. Then to my surprise, he asked to speak to me. I was nervous, but I took the phone and he actually thanked me. He said most people would have driven away and forgotten it ever happened. He said I must be a good person and that made me feel a lot better. I have come out of stores and found fresh dings and scrapes on my car before and I remembered what it felt like. I couldn’t have that on my conscience even I was such a lowdown butthead to do that sort of thing.
I suppose I should end this soliloquy now and get moving. Monday will be here before I know it and I haven’t ironed a thing nor made Jaida any bread. I need to shampoo my hair and bathe the kids. I may be up until 1:00! If you are religiously inclined, send one up for me would ya? I could really use it right now.
Kim, Jaida and Jarod
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