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March 4, 2003
No time to proof read.
3/4/04
This morning Jt was lying and moping around before school. Complaining his head and stomach hurt. I felt his head as I ran around like a chicken with its head cut off as I do every morning. He felt slightly warm to m e so I declared him sick enough to stay home and told him to go lye down. I will admit, I just did not feel like fighting and struggling with him as we do EVERY single morning. *sigh* I called him sick into school and that was the end of it.. right?? NOT!! About half an hour after Joe left I heard Jt in his room and saw that he had spread his K’nex all over his bed and was playing with them. I asked if he still felt sick and he just gave me a coy little smile and said his head still hurt. I felt his head and of course he was fine. I must have just been hot from running around when I checked him earlier. *sigh* At 11:00 we went to pick Autumn up from school and I almost walked Jt back into the school and signed him in, but then I looked back and saw him with his hair going every which way and saw he had one black and one tan sock on. LOL Oh well the kid got a free day out of me. I go home and get the kids all fed and everyone is quietly playing when the phone rings. Ugh It was the school… once again my heart started beating like a wild beast in my chest. I picked it up and Jt’s teacher, Mrs. B said hello. She asked my why Jt had missed class and I immediately told her I called the office as I thought there had been some mix up. She told me that she had received the message he was in class but was wondering why he had not come. Turns out Mr. Jt. Has been having a really tough time in class the last two weeks. ( WHY IS SHE JUST NOW CALLING ME!?) He has been very very rude to the new student teacher and basically showing no respect at all. He spouts out orders at her and tells her how it is going to be. =(. All the discipline tactics they have used are not working and he basically tells them he does not really care what they do. To top this off, he is not bringing home his homework, or doing his work in class. He is getting into tiffs on the playground and just completely unruly at school. I felt my heart drop during this conversation. I can’t stand to hear my son in like this at school. We talked about different alternatives and I suggested that the teacher keep him in at recess to do any work he hides or misses and to have Jt call his father if he runs into behavior issues during the day. In Jt’s eyes, Joe’s word is Gold and he really cares what Joe thinks. He hates to disappoint Joe and therefore, if he knows he needs to call him if he gets into trouble that may help him stay on track. His teacher quickly mentioned medication and her and I both agreed that this IS not a medication issue and solely 100% a BEHAVIORAL issue that Jt DOES have control over. Last month we increased his medication up to 36 mg and I refuse to up the dosage any more.
Why does my child have absolutely no respect for women? This truly scares me about what is going to happen when he is older. I know exactly how he is treating that poor student teacher because he treats me the same way. He barks orders at me all the time. Constantly tells me NO when I ask him to do things. He is very physical with me and is very very persistent when he wants something and will not STOP!
What I do not understand is I do NOT TOLERATE this at all from him. Yet, he continues to do it over and over over and over again. He just does not CARE what I think. Taking things away from Jt has no effect, Grounding him from outside is not a big deal, taking away tv.. he doesn’t care. Sometimes a stern talking to from dad will do the trick for the rest of the day, but the minute his dad is out of site it is all thrown out the window. I feel SO helpless right now and have no idea what to do. I feel as though I have hit a brick wall with him and will just keep ramming into that wall forever…over and over…. there will be no end. When I go to check in on the kids before I go to bed every night I ALWAYS look at Jt and feel my eyes fill with tears! What in the heck am I doing wrong? What does he need from me! What did I do while I was pregnant with him and when he was a toddler to create this mess? Why is he like this, but my other two not? I have become really good at placing all my troubles in God’s hands and letting go. This ONE thing I can’t help but cling onto and clutch so tightly to my hear that is hurts to breathe. With everything I am… I wish I could take this all away. Not that I wish I didn’t have Jt in my life, just wish that all this pain was not involved. It is Pain let me tell you, TRUE pain that eats away at me every single day. *sigh* Okay, is this depressing enough for you?
On a more chipper note…
Jt got accepted into the football program in the neighborhood we are moving into. This was a HUGE deal as there was a lottery for all the new incoming children and a very low chance of getting in. We are moving into an area that is very much sought after and is growing more and more each day. When I received the phone call telling me he had been selected I probably scared the women when I shouted “ That is WONDERFUL! You just made my day!”
((((On a side note)))))Now, I know what you are thinking… if Jt has some many behavior issues why are we not taking that away from him? Well, Joe and I have gone round and round on this and finally came to the conclusion well, Joe explained to me; that keeping Jt in sports at all times is very important and almost therapeutic for Jt. He is learning to be a team player, follow directions, control his impulses etc… Taking Jt out of sports would just be hurting him in the long run. Plus like it or not, boys who have been diagnosed with add/he are way more at risk for getting into trouble and ending up in jail! Keeping Jt active in sports will decrease that chance significantly!
Currently, Jt is in a pitching camp on Monday evenings and then a floor hockey program on Tuesday evenings. Neither of which will Jt go if I need to take him. He will pitch a fit, throw himself to the ground and wither around like I am putting hot pokers in his eyes when I tell him I need to drive him. *sigh* He loves to go and the programs, just not when I am involved in taking him?
Now, when Jt is good he is sooooooo good. He will come up to me, hug my waist and tell me he loves me. He will give me cuddles and talk with me, when he wants to and when it is good for him. He is such a great kid who I see so much wonderful in. He is growing up so fast, and even though there are some bumpy roads with us, I find myself wishing he would slow down… not grow up so fast. He is now instant messaging my mom on the computer, he has a crush on Hilary Duff and I have caught him looking at pictures of her on the Nickelodeon website. He told me had a dream of her last weekend and then turned red when I asked him what it was about. LOL
Last weekend Joe took Jt to the Bears Convention downtown. They had a GREAT time and it was a wonderful bonding weekend for them.=) Jt got the helmet he received for Christmas signed by several of the players. Most importantly he got it signed by Brian Urlacher. His idol and favorite player! Next year we plan to all go and stay downtown for the weekend.
Well, I suppose that is all for now. I am going to try my best to write entries more often and record all the good along with the bad. So stay tuned it is guaranteed to be quite a ride. =)
Tanya
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