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Expert Q&A

	By Dr. Bunni Tobias Kid Detective Psychologist

Is there a way to diagnose a child with ADD from a child that is just not disciplined? I am struggling with the fact that my stepdaughter has been diagnosed to have ADD but shows no signs. I am worried that schools today are not wanting to deal with undisciplined children and are using ADD and ADHD as a way out.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Two of the main reasons I see children who are given this diagnosis is turmoil in their lives and lack of appropriate and consistent behavior expectations. This child may have had some of each. The children become the "identified patient," and it is not their fault. A little professional secret here: It is oftentimes easier to blame the child than deal with the adult circumstances!

Back to the problem. You and her father and and any other adults who are in regular contact with this child need to sit down and have a serious conversation. Since you did not mention age or gender I'll pretend this is a 9-year-old. I want you to sit down and list the personal qualities a child entering middle school (11 or 12) should possess. This would include hygiene, chore accountability, homework responsibility, how adults and others are verbally addressed, a time schedule for various activities and responsibilities and the natural consequences for doing what is expected, daily and weekly.

Take away never works! This child has to earn daily opportunities such as phone, TV, computer, playing with friends, special snacks, etc. Then, review where the child is at this time and clearly define, concretely, what needs to occur and how successful behavior will be measured. "Good" and "nice" are not measurable. "John will bring home his reminder binder each day and complete his homework by dinnertime," is measurable. Start anywhere, a little at a time.

About the school. Teachers are not parents and have a great deal of academic responsibility for all the students in their classes. Speak with the teacher. Tell him or her what you're doing. Ask what works at school so you have the same expectations at home and the same natural consequences. Ask the teacher what he or she would like reinforced and how you can support each other. That will win you points big time.

A good counselor with a cognitive behavioral background would also be helpful. The earlier these habit patterns are established, the easier your life will be. You can even start at age 16. Teenagers are just terrible 2s with hormones. Lose the label. Get into action. You can do it. Your first small step will pump you up and give you confidence."

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