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Expert Q&A

	By Mindy Hudon Speech and Language Pathologist

I think my child has a speech disability. What can cause this? I'm worried it's because of something I did during my pregnancy.

Hearing that your child has a disability can be traumatizing. Many parents are shocked by the news. It is hard to hear out loud what you so deniably know inside: Your beautiful, loving child has a disability. Parents quickly blame themselves.

Although environmental factors can sometimes place children at risk for disabilities, it is not the only indicator of impairment. In many cases, the actual cause of a disability remains unknown. For example, researchers continue to study the cause of autism. There are many theories, but no definite correlation has been identified. However, no matter how many times doctors and/or professionals reassure parents, they still feel to blame for their child's disability.

These steps can help you to stop blaming yourself so you have more time to focus on the needs of your special child.

Educate yourself: Parents are often concerned about behaviors or developmental delays prior to the diagnosis of a disability. They seek professional advice to determine if a problem exists. It's important to gather information related to the disability. Knowledge is empowering. The more you know about a disability, the better equipped you will feel to handle the situation in a productive manner.

Find the right professionals: It is important to find the right professionals to evaluate your child. Talk to your pediatrician and other parents to guide you in the right direction.

In most situations, professionals attempt to gently approach the delicate subject of disability with parents. Nonetheless, their responsibility to the child is to determine if a disability exists and to inform the parents of their findings. Subsequently, the report of findings may ultimately shock parents. Therefore, approaching the subject of diagnosing a child with a disability needs to be handled very delicately by professionals to help lesson a parent's guilt.

How the information is presented is critical to your understanding and acceptance of the disability. If you are not comfortable with the professionals you are working with, then go to someone else.

Establish rapport: It's important to develop rapport with at least one of the professionals working with your child. Contact the teacher, therapists and/or principal to talk about your child and to learn about the evaluation process. This will also help you to develop a relationship with the team of evaluators before a diagnosis is determined. Often it is easier to hear delicate information from someone that you feel comfortable with than from someone you have never met.

Be open-minded: Be ready to hear about your child's strengths and weaknesses. Professionals want to help your child and are not placing blame on you. Try to keep an open mind so that you can better understand and accept the disability, which ultimately will help your child.

Ask questions: Before you sit down to discuss the results of the evaluation, write down questions that you may have. Writing down questions before the meeting will help you stay focused so you get the answers you need. Also, don't be afraid to ask questions during the meeting. Sometimes professionals can talk in a language that is unfamiliar to you. Ask them to explain anything you don't understand.

As parents, it's hard to avoid blaming ourselves when our child gets hurt. Our hugs and kisses usually help heal a scraped knee or sad feeling, but it is harder to love away a disability. Your child is the same person today as he was before you learned of the disability. Instead of desperately trying to figure out the mystery of what went wrong, put your energy toward understanding and acceptance. In this case, guilt and blame are wasted emotions. Try not to get caught up in solving the mystery, but investigate how to better love and support your child as he grows.

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