Kirsten Williams of Orlando, Fla., is a remarkably bright 10-year-old girl. She reads on an 11th grade level, has an IQ of 125 and she knows that octopi are the world's smartest mollusk. In the second grade, Kirsten's favorite book was a 1928 Rudyard Kipling book titled Selected Prose and Poetry of Rudyard Kipling. Not exactly common second grade fare.

As bright as she is, Kirsten is struggling. She has a lot of trouble making friends. For a smart kid with plenty of children in her school and on her street, it shouldn't be that difficult. But for Kirsten, it's excruciating.

"She doesn't know how to relate to them," explains Kirsten's mother, Jamie Williams.

Kirsten doesn't suffer from shyness, a lack of self-confidence, or some kind of intellectual barrier. Instead, it's a neurological disorder that is responsible for her social awkwardness. She suffers from Asperger's syndrome.

What Is Asperger's Syndrome?
Asperger's syndrome is a disorder that can leave a person socially rigid. Forming friendships is cumbersome. "The biggest challenge for [kids with Asperger's] is making friends," says Dr. Currie Prichard, a psychologist who's treated hundreds of patients with Asperger's Syndrome. "They can't make friends."

Kirsten's own efforts to make friends betray her. "She has a skewed perspective on how you have friends," says Williams. "She has to constantly give them things or do things for them." Despite Kirsten's best efforts, her actions only seem to alienate her peers. Conversational skills elude her. "She talks about things that are inappropriate – that are of a sexual nature or bad language – to try to fit in."

Being a female with Asperger's syndrome is a rarity. There are significantly more boys than girls diagnosed with Asperger's. There doesn't seem to be much explanation as to why. Whatever the reason, Kirsten's struggle with Asperger's has also meant struggles for her family.

Social Differences
These children are marked in society because they're so different. Some people see them as "odd" or "off-center." While their language abilities and intelligence levels are usually very high, the way they act sets them apart from the pack. Social skills typical people take for granted require lots of practice for an Aspie – a nickname for those with Asperger's.

Kirsten only occasionally responds if asked how she's doing. If she does play with other children, it's on her terms. Once she's satisfied, she'll finish abruptly. Without saying a word, she gets up and leaves. Kids like Kirsten can appear cold and aloof. "There is a dampening of their social reciprocity and that's painful," explains Dr. Prichard.

Parents of kids with Asperger's know about that pain firsthand. "At their darkest moments, the parents will say to me, 'I don't know if he really cares about me,'" says Dr. Prichard.

Williams has also felt this sting. "This is a touchy subject with me," she cautions. "It's kind of sad." When Williams grabs her daughter's hand to hold, Kirsten's hand stays at rest. Even though Williams squeezes it, she gets nothing in return. The same is true for hugs. "When [Kirsten] goes to give you a hug, it's almost an unnatural thing for her; she doesn't know how to do that, [and] it's awkward," says Williams.

Focused Education
Then there are the quirky eccentric behaviors. Aspies become fascinated with small elements of daily life. It can easily turn into an obsessive quality. Some children with Asperger's become fixated on train schedules or airplanes. They'll collect everything they can find on the subject.

Kirsten's mind is filled with facts about animals. "[Her classmates] call her "The Little Professor,'" says Williams. "She knows any fact anyone wants to know about animals. She also knows the gestational periods of a wide variety of animals as well as what the young of the various species are called."

Getting the right education for Kirsten has been a lot of work. Williams has had to wrestle for the right resources. Dr. Prichard notes the biggest challenge for a parent is "finding a place where someone allows them to learn and thrive and grow even though they are really impaired."

"I can't even tell you the frustration I've met as a parent," says Williams. "People have no idea what it's like to get these kids the education they need."

Kirsten currently attends a charter school – a school dedicated to children with learning disabilities. Her parents drive her two hours a day, but Williams says it's worth it. Her previous elementary school wasn't giving Kirsten the services she needed. Although Kirsten's IQ was only five points below the gifted level and she could read on par with kids nearly twice her age, she could barely write a sentence. Short-term memory problems caused her to suffer with math.

Her elementary school's solution was to give her 20 minutes of "pull-out" services (removing her from the classroom for remedial studies) each day to catch up. It wasn't nearly enough to help. Kirsten continued to drown in her current educational system.

Now Kirsten is in a smaller, contained environment with teachers who are able to give her more attention. Although she still has her struggles with math, Kirsten can now write a five-sentence paragraph, which is a huge improvement. She even finds homework tolerable. "I just want someone to help my kid be successful and I don't want her to fall through the cracks," says Williams.

Navigating Middle School
But now middle school looms on the horizon. The charter school says Kirsten's ready to move on. Her mother isn't so sure. The world of middle school is a shark tank and Williams is worried Aspies become easy prey.

"When they're teenagers, it's hell," says Dr. Prichard. "Teenagers are exquisitely concerned with not being different and Aspies are so different." Their awkward behavior stands out like a sore thumb in a sea of kids striving to be homogeneous.

Williams is concerned about Kirsten's survival in a middle school setting. Kirsten is moving from a small class of 10 children to a school with more than a thousand students. Given Kirsten's small 55-pound frame and her diagnosis, the prospect of middle school is fearful for her parents. "I worry about her physical safety and I worry about her being taken advantage of," says Williams.

Aspies tend to be overly trusting and even gullible. Desperate for acceptance, they can be easily taken advantage of. In school, Kirsten was once dared to bite another child. She complied because she didn't realize she didn't have to do it. "She didn't accept it as a challenge, but an edict," says Williams. "I'm fearful of what she will be dared to do in middle school."

When classmates and faculty see an Aspie's behavior in school, it tends to make them more isolated. "If they have meltdowns they scare [peers] off, the teachers get freaked out, they get put in smaller classes and isolated settings," says Dr. Prichard.

Then come the struggles with actually going to school. Many with Asperger's have organizational troubles. Keeping track of their assignments is hard. The physical transition of getting from class to class can be daunting.

Currently, Kirsten has a backpack with only two items. "She loses one, the other or both all the time," says Williams. The thought of having to go to a locker to switch out books six times a day in middle school has Williams convinced this will be a hurdle for Kirsten. She plans on preparing six separate backpacks for Kirsten to keep in each classroom.

All of these elements put together make middle and high school particularly difficult for Aspies. As a result, many are home schooled. "I just wish we could afford to put her in a really good private school," says Williams. If there were a way for Kirsten to escape middle school and move on to college, Williams would jump at the chance. "In a college environment, there's so much more opportunity for them to be successful because the social thing isn't such a big deal – you move past the cliques and the fashion parade," says Williams.

Instead, Williams will do what she can to help her daughter succeed. But the road there can take its toll on a parent.

Parental Difficulties
Along with the standard set of worries that come with raising a typical child, there is a new set of concerns – concerns over how their child will survive growing from adolescence into adulthood weigh heavy. The maddening day-to-day struggle leaves parents emotionally and physically drained. Parents can feel trapped in their own home. It's hard to find help.

"It's like the umbilical cord can't be cut," says Williams. "You never get to get away from them and they can't have any fun without you. [We] get no support. We're just doing the best that we can for her."

Raising these kids makes their parents feel stranded on their own streets. It's hard for others to understand. Outsiders sometimes see the way an Aspie acts and takes it as the actions of a spoiled brat instead of a person suffering from a disorder.

Kirsten's behaviors have had an effect on others. "We'll see everybody playing outside and so we'll go outside; then everyone will go back in," says Williams. "It's really sad because she might be a little odd, but she's so incredibly smart."

Getting Support
The avenues are few and far between to find solace. Some parents turn to support groups; others look to Internet chat rooms, anything to find someone who "gets" what they're going through.

The important thing for parents looking to cope, Dr. Prichard says, is to "talk to someone who is realistic and really believes them."

Until then, Williams is hopeful for the future. "Most important to me is that she attains self-sufficiency," she says. "Her key to self-sufficiency is an education and I want to see that happen. She's a neat kid. She's just tied up in a strange package."

Want to see more?

• Extra Special: Parenting a Child With Multiple Special Needs
• Pervasive Development Disorder: What Parents Need to Know
• Autism: Understanding the Disorder
• Talk about it!